If there is a sense of bitterness in this weeks column, that is because my new daughter and I have been battling for the past 4 hours between eating, trying to sleep (but not sleeping), and crying (which she just started again). I will try to be as positive as I can.
Dallas -6 at Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay sucks. They are tied for the worse team in Florida with Jacksonville and Miami. Bad year for Florida football this year. Gators sucked, Seminoles tanked, Miami finally got thrown on the mat, and all their NFL teams are horrible.
If Dallas has any chance of making the playoffs, they have to win this game. But people always think the NFC East is better than it really is.Cowboys have to cover this to save some face, otherwise Garrett gets fired.
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
I have Miami winning the battle for Florida. But in order to do so they are going to have to beat a bills team that has lost 6 straight, doesn't have their starting running back, and is generally pissed about having to live in Buffalo.
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
The Seahawks have a chance to back door their way into the playoffs, giving them a worse draft pick but creating false hope for their fans. Of course they win this game. This is what the Seahawks do. Besides, how bad is Caleb Haine? This guy is making Matt Leinhert look like a playable option. The Bears are cursed anyway, you saw last weeks game.
Oh, we're gonna shut out Tebow, at home. He's not that good. I don't know what all the hype is about.
So what, if he scored a TD with 2 minutes to go. We get the ball and he still needs another score.
Wait. You're telling me you have to stay in bounds for the clock to keep running. When did we start playing like that? Who is making up all these new rules?
Indianapolis +7 vs. Tennessee
I'm riding the back door cover train. Called it last week. Play'n it this week as well. In fact, I'm shocking the world right now. Indy wins this game. They are at home, have been playing somewhat better, and Tennessee is pretty much out of the playoffs at this point. Shockin the World!!!!!!
I love when people say that. When I was an assistant football coach at a small high school in the boondocks one year, we were getting ready to play the best team in the league. All the players and even the head coach were walking around saying, "We're gonna shock the world!!"
Yah!! Cause people in China, let alone the next town over, care if our school from bum *&^$ Egypt beats another small school in a high school football game. . . . Idiots.
We're gonna shock the world!!!
Green Bay -14.5 at Kansas City
In these last couple weeks Green Bay may rest their starters and not cover a spread, but this is not that week. Besides, KC sucks something awful.
Cincinnati -7 at St. Louis
St. Louis sucks. Anyone catching on to the trend here? And by the way, when I start on a negative path, it tends to just spew everywhere. So if I'm offending any of you, just stop reading the damn column.
Minnesota +7 vs. New Orleans
God this is a horrible pick.
The Vikings have been playing better. Joe Webb poses a 2 way threat for a bad New Orleans defense. Adrian Peterson is coming back to play for his fantasy owners this week. Leslie Frazier is on the verge of being fired. The Saints are horrible on the road. Dome or not, they got beat at St. Louis earlier this year, and St. Louis sucks. The Saints have already clinched and they are playing Atlanta next week on Monday night football. Classic trap game.
NY Giants -7 vs. Washington
Can't over think this. Washington sucks. I know I mean the Redskins, but a little part of me likes the fact that you would phrase that the same for the Huskies. The Giants should cover this easily, but I do feel like Eli is gonna bend me over on this one. Somebody in the NFC East has to step up, right?
Carolina +6.5 at Houston
Houston makes it to the playoffs for the first time ever on a last second TD last week. Classic letdown game this week. Especially with Wade Phillips have some kind of non serious surgery. Houston may very well win this game, but they don't have the high powered offense that they did with Matt Schaub. Since TJ Yates has taken over they have won all three games by one score or less. This will be a close game, so I gotta go with Back Door Cam.
Detroit -1.5 at Oakland
Over under on total penalties in this game: 37
Over under on player ejections: 1.5
Over under on Carson Palmer interceptions: 2.5
Over under on how many players try to untie Ndamkong Suh's shoe laces in the pile: 13
New England -4.5 at Denver
So if I drink this cup of Kool-aid I will get to live forever, but if I drink this cup of kool-aid I will get endless wealth and knowledge. . . . . I can only choose one huh?
This is my fault for drinking from too many punch bowls. Pick a horse and stay with it.
God forgives, Belichick does not.
Philadelphia -2 vs. NY Jets
Eagles back door into the playoffs baby. So Philly was a 3 point dog last week at Miami, but now they are a 2 point favorite vs. the Jets? Classic flip flop. Flip Flopper!!!! Some of you may not get that. At least one of you will. Look, I drafted Michael Vick in every possible fantasy league I could. And he drove me right into a big yellow school bus going 50 MPH. So I can't stop riding him now. If we have learned anything from Vick, it's that there will be some major bumps in the way, but he will get you there.
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
Cleveland sucks. Arizona has played very well lately, and very good at home. I don't think the Colt McCoy situation will be that big of a deal. I actually think Seneca Wallace will give the Cardinals a harder time than McCoy would have due to his feet. But Arizona is going to try their hardest to keep up with Seattle in the false hope contest.
San Diego +1 vs. Baltimore
Also a horrible pick, but I think San Diego's late season surge just came on too late this year. Besides, every week I have to throw out as much good karma as I can for Rivers and Gates in my TD only fantasy league. Laugh if you want, but I did it last week and they hooked up for 2 TDs. People who don't believe in karma are the same people who walk into walls cause they took the turn too tight.
San Francisco -2.5 vs. Pittsburgh
If San Fran has any chance of doing anything in the playoffs, they have to beat the Steelers on Monday night. If Ben Roethlisberger doesn't play, this game might be 7-6. Another prime time stunner for the NFL. I'm putting some faith into my buddy Brent here as he tells me the 49ers are for real. But my hate for Harbaugh has me wanting to pick the Steelers. Stupid Harbaugh. Who wears a collared shirt under a standard sweatshirt? That's like wearing sweat pants underneath your shorts. Moron.
Good Luck to all of you in your Week 15 picks. My daughter has finally fallen asleep, so I am going to go pound a couple of beers before she wakes up.
Don't judge me.
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