We will have a short recap of last week, then move straight in to this week's picks. Last week was not a good week for me, but luckily the kid failed to seize the opportunity to run away the lead while I was down. He just doesn't have the true killer instincts needed to win this kind of race. Maybe when you turn 3 buddy.
I don't know how the rest of your lives work, but I will explain to you how mine goes. Everytime I get to the top, take the lead, start to feel good and become confident, I get dropped out of the sky like an American spy drone. . . . . Any news watchers out there? Spy drone? Iran? . . . . . Nobody? Our President asked for it back. Google it, you'll find out.
So here I am, last week, finally overtaking the kid and well on my way to super stardom; then week 16 comes along and punches me square in the berries. 6 for 16. I could have lined up all 32 teams logos, drunkenly pissed of 16 of them to choose my winners this week, and probably not have done worse. For those of you who are not math people, I was just a little better than 1 for 3 this week. A coin is better than that. A 2 year old, who picks both teams every time we put the logos out and has to reminded, every time, to only pick one team did better than that. A 3 year old, who once took a crap on his own floor, then was surprised to see it when he turned around, did better than that. Brent, who is now a successful business man in the wine industry, but once took a full semester off to play video games, did better than that. I am embarassed.
So, Team Staton will only be playing a half this week. Only one column. We are resting our starters and saving our energy for the playoffs. Here's how week 16 played out:
Teams that helped me last week (There weren't many):
Cincinnati beats Arizona
Let's be honest here. I needed 2 miracles just to cover in this one. Miracle #1: a Bengal receiver does a front flip over a Cardinal defender to score a TD. Miracle #2: a Cardinal receiver falls down in the end zone to not score a wide open TD at the end of the game. Without either one of these I start out the week 0 for 4.
Pittsburgh crushes St Louis
This win put me at 2 for 8. Gross. Really? Pittsburgh demolishes a horrible St Louis team, who didn't see this coming? A blind, retarded monkey with only one arm could have picked this game.
Carolina beats down Tampa Bay
This was another blind, retarded, one armed monkey game. How bad is Tampa Bay? I'll tell you. They are so bad that their head coach had to come out and say that he would not fire himself. . . . . . Really? What's the guy supposed to say? Hell yah I would fire myself, have you seen that team out there? We are horrible? I'm terrible at doing this. Most of the time I just close my eyes and point to a play on this sheet, and thats what we run.
Best thing about these 2 monkey games? They both eluded the Huhn's somehow. And they still finished 2 games better than I did. I am currently digging myself a hole to crawl in and die.
Philly does their part to stay on the trail
Sadly, there is no more trail. But we will get to that later. I would like to go on about how the kid got this game wrong and I got it right, but I did lose to him this week. So I won't say anything about how he was the only person to get this game wrong.
San Fran escapes Seattle
How did the almost lose this game? Aren't they one of the best teams in the NFL? I don't care about Seattle's "Clink" stadium and the 12th man. You almost lost to Tavaris Jackson. You gave up your first running TD to a guy who likes to have skittles thrown at him. I can't wait to bet against you in the playoffs. No, I do not think Alex Smith is good enough to win a playoff game. Tell me I'm wrong.
Green Bay crushes Chicago
I'm starting to realize that the only games I won were the easiest ones to pick. You could have gone up to a homeless guy, who lives in a box and said: "Hey homeless guy, do you think the best team in the NFL, who needs to win this game, will beat an average team, who is playing their 3rd QB, by more than 14?"
And his response would have been: "Of course they will, what kind of dumb ass question is that?"
Now let's talk about all the ways I got screwed last week:
I was the only idiot to pick Kansas City, Tennessee, and Atlanta. Special thanks to Atlanta who showed no desire to win that game at all. New Orleans doesn't even play defense, at least make it close.
We all picked San Diego, Baltimore, Denver, and New England. How does Tim Tebow play that bad on Christmas Eve? I feel a disturbance in the force. I would also like to thank Philip Rivers, who's 2 TDs in 2 games have taken me from 1st place to 4th place in my fantasy league. I hope he breaks his leg this week.
The Giants killed the trail. It's not often that you get screwed by a fat guy on Christmas Eve, but it happened this year. Rex Ryan not only couldn't find a way to rally the troops and cover against the Giants, but took my Eagles comeback trail and crapped all over it.
Week 16
Me 6-10
Kid 7-9
Huhns 8-8
Brent 8-8
Season Totals
Me 49-51 49%
Kid 47-53 47%
Huhns 30-28 52%
Brent 35-37 48%
Week 17 Picks
Philadelphia -8 vs. Washington
Eagles have won their last 4. Redskins have lost 3 of their last 4. I think the Eagles players actually like Andy Reid and are going to play hard for him in this last game. I think the Redskins players hate Mike Shannahan, and won't play as hard in hopes that he gets fired.
Indianapolis +3.5 at Jacksonville
As much as I hate this pick, look at the other side of it. You want me to believe that Jacksonville (4-11) is not only going to win this game, but win it by more than a field goal? You can't talk me into that. Plus, I'm starting to buy in to Bill Simmons theory that the Colts players want to win this game for Peyton Manning. They want him to remain a Colt and retire there. It's a veteran team, and they respect what Peyton has done for them. I can believe that.
San Francisco -10.5 at St. Louis
The 49ers need this game to get a bye and host their 1st game. St Louis isn't even playing Sam Bradford. The 49ers need to find some offensive firepower before they go into the playoffs. St. Louis has only been within 10 points 5 times all year and that includes their 2 wins. Besides, if the Rams lose, they can do what they'd like with the #1 overall pick, which would be twice in the past 3 years.
Minnesota -1.5 vs. Chicago
Forget about Chicago's QB troubles. Did you know that under Lovie Smith the bears are 2-5 against the Vikings in Minnesota?
Detroit -3 at Green Bay
Flip a coin. Green Bay isn't playing anyone and Detroit has a playoff spot locked up. Why are they even playing this game? My only hope is that the game means more to the Lions than it does to the Packers.
NY Jets +3 at Miami
I hate this pick. I think Miami is by far the better team right now. But according to ESPN the Jets have a 10.4% chance of making the playoffs. Why wouldn't you play hard if you still had a chance? Guess we will find out on Sunday when the Jets lose by 28.
New Orleans -8.5 vs. Carolina
I really wanted to take Carolina here, but the Saints at home are a different animal. They have only played 1 single digit home game all year and still have an outside shot at the #2 seed in the NFC.
Houston +2.5 vs. Tennessee
I literally flipped a coin for this game. Well, not literally, I used an app on my phone. But it came up heads and that means Houston. If you can't figure out the code I used for that, find a large, heavy object and hit yourself in the head with it.
New England -10 vs. Buffalo
Belichick, no questions asked. People will say a lot of things about me when I die. But my unwavering loyalty will not be something of question.
Cincinnati +1.5 vs. Baltimore
I looked at no data for this game. It's at Cincinnati and the Bengals need the win to get into the playoffs. That's all there is. Plus, Andy Dalton looks more like me than Ray Lewis does.
Pittsburgh -6.5 at Cleveland
I know the Browns covered last week against the Ravens. But I refuse to get screwed over twice in two weeks by a team that is named after the color of fecal matter.
Atlanta -11 vs. Tampa Bay
This line should be higher. No chance the Bucs keep this one close. Especially after the Falcons got embarrassed on Monday night and took me hopes and dreams down with them. You know what it is like to live without hopes and dreams? It's grey. Not even gray, which is the more exciting spelling of the word. It's grey. Like the 9 straight months in Seattle when the sun refuses to show itself.
San Diego +3 at Oakland
It's the last week of my fantasy season. My only chance of winning some real cash is if Philip Rivers throws some $%&*ing touch downs. For the love of God, put some points up one time this year.
Denver -3 vs. Kansas City
I think everyone, including myself got a little too excited over the Chiefs win against the Packers. Tebow has to win this game to get into the playoffs. And if there is one thing he knows how to do, that is win. Orton vs. Tebow, the friendliest hate battle ever?
Over under on compliments Tebow gives to Orton during the game: 13
Arizona -3 vs. Seattle
Both these teams got bounced out of the playoffs last week. Who called the false hope season? Oh that's right, me. Turns out, the difference between going 7-9 and 8-8 is almost 10 picks in next years draft. How bad do you really want to win this game?
NY Giants -3 vs. Dallas
Neither one of these teams deserves to make the playoffs. How bout if they tie, play through overtime and tie? Can the NFL just put another team in the playoffs? Just throw another AFC team in. Nobody will care. This game has got blown up into the ultimate end of the season finale. I hope it ends up 4-2, with 3 safeties.
Good Luck to all of you with your week 17 picks, and I will see you in the playoffs
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The Menace's Week 16 Picks
| Indianapolis +6.5 |
| Denver -3 |
| Cincinnati -4.5 |
| Jacksonville +9.5 |
| Oakland +1 |
| New England -10.5 |
| NY Giants +3 |
| St. Louis +16 |
| Minnesota +6 |
| Tampa Bay +7 |
| Baltimore -13.5 |
| San Diego +3 |
| Dallas -3 |
| Seattle -1.5 |
| Chicago +13 |
| New Orleans -6.5 |
Friday, December 23, 2011
He's making a list, checking it twice . . .
Before I get to my lead in, I would just like to point out how amazingly bad I am at picking Thursday NFL games. And, what the hell are the Colts doing? Why would you . . . . ? Were you thinking . . . . ? What did you just do? Lets see here, we can get the number one pick, choose a franchise QB and better secure our future for the next 15 years. Or, we could win 2 games instead of 1 and totally screw ourselves. Why are they playing hard? Pride? NFL players don't have pride. The don't show up for practice if they don't get $27 million instead of $23 million. I'm so confused.
I do know that the little Huhn picked the "Horseshoes", of course he did. Not only that, but I would be willing to bet my left testicle that when the Menace makes his picks this afternoon he will slam that tiny little finger on the Colts logo. I'm fighting a lot of bad Karma from previous years.
All right. Refocus. Here it is:
As I left the dentist a couple of days ago, my gums throbbing from being dominated by the dental assistant, I couldn't help but think about how unpleasant the dentist is. Now I don't even hate the dentist, like my buddy Huhn does, but I got to thinking about how unpleasant the whole dentist experience is. You sit down in a chair and get leaned back into the prone position where all I can see is the ceiling. You have no idea where the dentist or the dental assistant is coming from. You have to be on 360 degrees of full alert. My favorite is when they lead in with the pick before they actually come into view, so all you see is the shiny metal hook coming right over your eye.
Quick word of advice to all dentists out there: if you are planning on seeing patients after lunch maybe you should avoid eating salami for lunch. Since your face is going to be within inches of my face, maybe you should avoid eating anything anything that is going to ooze out of your mouth like bad gas. Just a thought.
Back to the dental pick, cause this is my favorite thing about the dentist: cleaning the plaque off your teeth. The dental assistant is scraping and pulling and scraping and pulling, sending cool chills right down your spine. Then she slips and hits your gums with the pick, so my head naturally twitches just a little bit.
"Does that hurt?'
"A little, yes."
"You need to be flossing more, your gums are really sensitive."
Timeout.
You just stabbed my gums with a razor sharp titanium death hook and it's my fault that it hurt? I'm not flossing enough? Don't worry about apologizing. How stupid is this? That's like me coming up to you, stabbing you in the arm with a hunting knife, and then me telling you that you need to work out more cause that shouldn't have hurt. This is quite possibly the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And it happens every 6 months.
So as I'm leaving the office, gums bleeding, mentally frustrated, I was thinking the dentist would definitely be on my naughty list. Yes, I can make a list, I am a lot like Santa. Big, jolly, and when I drink too much beer the next morning my belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Other things on my naughty list:
-old people (I mean old people who think they are owed something just because they are old. Old people who can't drive. Old people who suck at grocery store lines. Put your checkbook away Edith, it's 2011 for god sakes.)
-stupid people (there are more of these than you would think)
-speed limit drivers
-people who don't say "thank you" when you hold a door for them (makes me want to grab you by the horse collar and throw your ass to the ground)
None of these people get gifts this Christmas. The same goes for some people in the NFL as well. Let's see who made my naughty and nice list this year.
Denver -3 at Buffalo
Naughty: Entire Buffalo Bills organization. Ryan Fitzpatrick? $50 million? This is your own fault
Nice: Tim Tebow. How could he not be? Two things were on TV this week about Tim Tebow. The SNL skit, which is funny and points out the fact that Matt Prater gets no love for hitting all these late game field goals from 50+ yards to tie or win games.
The second thing is the "Tebow Mic'd Up" from the Chicago game. Watch this if you have about 10 minutes, it's really good. But I want you to pay special attention to what happens about 8:10 into the video. Chicago fumbles in overtime to give the Broncos the ball already in field goal range to win the game. All the Broncos players are jumping up and down and screaming, except the Chosen One.
He calmly stands up, walks out to the field, puts his helmet on, and the whole time is singing gospel. Now I don't have a problem with gospel, I don't listen to it, but I don't have a problem with it. The thing that stood out to me is how eerily dialed in and entranced he was. It reminds me of a war movie, where the soldier is calmly walking around, killing enemy soldiers one at a time, all while singing a song to himself. It's like this encapsulated warrior of calm in the midst of chaos.
Tim Tebow is this warrior, he just isn't killing anyone, that's my only explanation. Laugh if you want. But you'll be mauled by bears.
Cincinnati -4.5 vs. Arizona
Naughty: Arizona on the road, 2-5 vs. 5-2 at home. The Arizona Sun Devils for getting crushed by Boise State, who I hate.
Nice: Bengal rookies AJ Green and Andy Dalton are a good base for the Bengals to build off of. The Phoenix area. I would give my left testicle to live there.
Look, I have AJ Green in my TD only fantasy league. I am currently tied for 2nd. I need a win this week. It looks like he is going to play and Arizona gives up the 10th most fantasy points to WRs. The Bengals are currently tied with the Jets for the 2nd Wildcard spot. They need a win to keep pace and make the playoffs.
Tennessee -9.5 vs. Jacksonville
Naughty: Blaine Gabberts hair, not intimidating at all. Chris Johnson, for killing fantasy teams all over. Jake Locker, he's a husky.
Nice: MJD for having another solid year on a horrible team. David Garrard, he needs some love.
I don't want to pick this game. There are no winners here. Tennessee has nothing to play for and pretty much phoned it in last week. Jacksonville could send the team that beat Baltimore or the team the got pimp slapped by the Falcons. This could be Hasselbeck's last ride. So I think he plays well and goes out with whatever bang a guy who has been bald his whole life can muster up.
Kansas City -1 vs. Oakland
Naughty: Todd Haley. Carson Palmer, throwing picks like it's his job.
Nice: Sebastian Janikowski, come on his nickname is Seabass. Romeo Crennell.
Only a 1 point line, so essentially it's a pick 'em. I'm gonna ride the heater here, even though this is a classic emotional let down game. Plus if everyone in the AFC West goes 8-8, the Chiefs win the division. Back door shot baby!
New England -10.5 vs. Miami
Naughty: Bill Belichick. Tom Brady, who only throws for a bunch of TDs when he is playing against me in fantasy football. Patriots defense, man they suck. A wide receiver, who was a college QB, is their best DB.
Nice: Bill Belichick, yes he's on both lists. Reggie Bush. Wes Welker, when will this guy die? Rob Gronkowski.
DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUH DUM, DUM DUH DUM. . . . . . Darth vader music? Does that not translate through text? It sounded good in my head.
NY Jets -3 vs. NY Giants
Naughty: The whole Giants team, for killing me in my picks and bets all year.
Nice: Nobody, it's bunch of underachieving angry New Yorkers.
You know when a fat guy comes out swinging? When he's been backed into a corner, and doesn't have to run very far to catch someone. Granted Rex backed himself into this corner, but it counts. And the game is at home, so he won't be tired from traveling.
Pittsburgh -16 vs. St. Louis
Naughty: Ben Roethlisberger, he should just be here, you all know why. The Rams, how many years are you going to continue to suck?
Nice: Mike Tomlin, don't know why but I like him. Charlie Batch.
I really wanted to take the Rams here, but Charlie Batch, who is like 50 years old, is serviceable and the Rams suck.
Gotta make these last picks a little quicker, I just got the "Are you still working on your Blog?" from the wife. Time to make Christmas cookies people.
Washington -6 vs. Minnesota
Naughty: Whoever calls offensive plays in Minnesota. Give the damn ball to Percy Harvin. John Beck and Mike Shannahan, you both suck and just wanted to show your fans you could throw away a season in 4 games.
Nice: Toby Gerhart, how can you not like this guy. And how big did he get? Good lord.
Carolina -7 vs. Tampa Bay
Naughty: Raheem Morris, who looks exactly like a guy I teach with, except for he's black. How has this guy not been fired yet?
Nice: Cam Newton.
Baltimore -13.5 vs. Cleveland
Naughty: Baltimore and their two different teams.
Nice: Seneca Wallace, I think this guy can actually play if someone would give him a shot.
Baltimore won by 14 at Cleveland last time, they can do this. You can do this Baltimore. Say it with me: We can do this.
San Diego +3 at Detroit
Naughty: Ndamakong Suh. Jim Schwartz, I don't like him. Little bouncing chihauhau.
Nice: Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates, you know why.
Riding the heater baby!! Two weeks left in my fantasy season, we need TDs. Stop running the ball at the goalline, Tom Brady doesn't do it. Throw it to Gates!!!!!
Philadelphia +3 at Dallas
Naughty: Tony Romo in December. Jerry Jones, 1 playoff win since 1996.
Nice: Andy Reid, lots of love for fat guys this time of year. LeSean McCoy, thanks for the TDs buddy.
We're on the trail!! We are on the trail!!
San Francisco +1.5 at Seattle
Naughty: False hope, damn you Seahawks. Jim Harbaugh.
Nice: Skittles. Frank Gore, on my fantasy team.
The 49ers are underdogs at Seattle? What's going on here? 12th man my ass. Where were you a month ago when it was a 1 score game against Washington and you all left? I hope the 49ers throttle them.
Green Bay -13 vs. Chicago
Naughty: Packers last week losing my teaser for me. Caleb Haine. Lovie Smith, are you alive buddy? Green Bay's defense.
Nice: Aaron Rodgers. Bears defense. Devin Hester.
How many B's are in Bounce Back?
Atlanta +6.5 at New Orleans
Naughty: New Orleans outside. The city of Atlanta, ever been there? There is a reason they call it the dirty south. Roddy White, for looking exactly like Julio Jones.
Nice: The city of New Orleans, seems like fun. Darren Sproles. Drew Brees.
The last 4 times these teams have played it has been a 3 point game. I think the Saint's win, but it's close.
Have a good Christmas, I hope you get everything you want. If anyone is looking for a last second gift for me, I would like a Nerf Bow.
Good luck with your week 16 picks
I do know that the little Huhn picked the "Horseshoes", of course he did. Not only that, but I would be willing to bet my left testicle that when the Menace makes his picks this afternoon he will slam that tiny little finger on the Colts logo. I'm fighting a lot of bad Karma from previous years.
All right. Refocus. Here it is:
As I left the dentist a couple of days ago, my gums throbbing from being dominated by the dental assistant, I couldn't help but think about how unpleasant the dentist is. Now I don't even hate the dentist, like my buddy Huhn does, but I got to thinking about how unpleasant the whole dentist experience is. You sit down in a chair and get leaned back into the prone position where all I can see is the ceiling. You have no idea where the dentist or the dental assistant is coming from. You have to be on 360 degrees of full alert. My favorite is when they lead in with the pick before they actually come into view, so all you see is the shiny metal hook coming right over your eye.
Quick word of advice to all dentists out there: if you are planning on seeing patients after lunch maybe you should avoid eating salami for lunch. Since your face is going to be within inches of my face, maybe you should avoid eating anything anything that is going to ooze out of your mouth like bad gas. Just a thought.
Back to the dental pick, cause this is my favorite thing about the dentist: cleaning the plaque off your teeth. The dental assistant is scraping and pulling and scraping and pulling, sending cool chills right down your spine. Then she slips and hits your gums with the pick, so my head naturally twitches just a little bit.
"Does that hurt?'
"A little, yes."
"You need to be flossing more, your gums are really sensitive."
Timeout.
You just stabbed my gums with a razor sharp titanium death hook and it's my fault that it hurt? I'm not flossing enough? Don't worry about apologizing. How stupid is this? That's like me coming up to you, stabbing you in the arm with a hunting knife, and then me telling you that you need to work out more cause that shouldn't have hurt. This is quite possibly the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And it happens every 6 months.
So as I'm leaving the office, gums bleeding, mentally frustrated, I was thinking the dentist would definitely be on my naughty list. Yes, I can make a list, I am a lot like Santa. Big, jolly, and when I drink too much beer the next morning my belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Other things on my naughty list:
-old people (I mean old people who think they are owed something just because they are old. Old people who can't drive. Old people who suck at grocery store lines. Put your checkbook away Edith, it's 2011 for god sakes.)
-stupid people (there are more of these than you would think)
-speed limit drivers
-people who don't say "thank you" when you hold a door for them (makes me want to grab you by the horse collar and throw your ass to the ground)
None of these people get gifts this Christmas. The same goes for some people in the NFL as well. Let's see who made my naughty and nice list this year.
Denver -3 at Buffalo
Naughty: Entire Buffalo Bills organization. Ryan Fitzpatrick? $50 million? This is your own fault
The second thing is the "Tebow Mic'd Up" from the Chicago game. Watch this if you have about 10 minutes, it's really good. But I want you to pay special attention to what happens about 8:10 into the video. Chicago fumbles in overtime to give the Broncos the ball already in field goal range to win the game. All the Broncos players are jumping up and down and screaming, except the Chosen One.
Tim Tebow is this warrior, he just isn't killing anyone, that's my only explanation. Laugh if you want. But you'll be mauled by bears.
Cincinnati -4.5 vs. Arizona
Naughty: Arizona on the road, 2-5 vs. 5-2 at home. The Arizona Sun Devils for getting crushed by Boise State, who I hate.
Nice: Bengal rookies AJ Green and Andy Dalton are a good base for the Bengals to build off of. The Phoenix area. I would give my left testicle to live there.
Look, I have AJ Green in my TD only fantasy league. I am currently tied for 2nd. I need a win this week. It looks like he is going to play and Arizona gives up the 10th most fantasy points to WRs. The Bengals are currently tied with the Jets for the 2nd Wildcard spot. They need a win to keep pace and make the playoffs.
Tennessee -9.5 vs. Jacksonville
Naughty: Blaine Gabberts hair, not intimidating at all. Chris Johnson, for killing fantasy teams all over. Jake Locker, he's a husky.
Nice: MJD for having another solid year on a horrible team. David Garrard, he needs some love.
I don't want to pick this game. There are no winners here. Tennessee has nothing to play for and pretty much phoned it in last week. Jacksonville could send the team that beat Baltimore or the team the got pimp slapped by the Falcons. This could be Hasselbeck's last ride. So I think he plays well and goes out with whatever bang a guy who has been bald his whole life can muster up.
Kansas City -1 vs. Oakland
Naughty: Todd Haley. Carson Palmer, throwing picks like it's his job.
Nice: Sebastian Janikowski, come on his nickname is Seabass. Romeo Crennell.
Only a 1 point line, so essentially it's a pick 'em. I'm gonna ride the heater here, even though this is a classic emotional let down game. Plus if everyone in the AFC West goes 8-8, the Chiefs win the division. Back door shot baby!
New England -10.5 vs. Miami
Naughty: Bill Belichick. Tom Brady, who only throws for a bunch of TDs when he is playing against me in fantasy football. Patriots defense, man they suck. A wide receiver, who was a college QB, is their best DB.
Nice: Bill Belichick, yes he's on both lists. Reggie Bush. Wes Welker, when will this guy die? Rob Gronkowski.
DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUH DUM, DUM DUH DUM. . . . . . Darth vader music? Does that not translate through text? It sounded good in my head.
NY Jets -3 vs. NY Giants
Naughty: The whole Giants team, for killing me in my picks and bets all year.
Nice: Nobody, it's bunch of underachieving angry New Yorkers.
You know when a fat guy comes out swinging? When he's been backed into a corner, and doesn't have to run very far to catch someone. Granted Rex backed himself into this corner, but it counts. And the game is at home, so he won't be tired from traveling.
Pittsburgh -16 vs. St. Louis
Naughty: Ben Roethlisberger, he should just be here, you all know why. The Rams, how many years are you going to continue to suck?
Nice: Mike Tomlin, don't know why but I like him. Charlie Batch.
I really wanted to take the Rams here, but Charlie Batch, who is like 50 years old, is serviceable and the Rams suck.
Gotta make these last picks a little quicker, I just got the "Are you still working on your Blog?" from the wife. Time to make Christmas cookies people.
Washington -6 vs. Minnesota
Naughty: Whoever calls offensive plays in Minnesota. Give the damn ball to Percy Harvin. John Beck and Mike Shannahan, you both suck and just wanted to show your fans you could throw away a season in 4 games.
Nice: Toby Gerhart, how can you not like this guy. And how big did he get? Good lord.
Carolina -7 vs. Tampa Bay
Naughty: Raheem Morris, who looks exactly like a guy I teach with, except for he's black. How has this guy not been fired yet?
Nice: Cam Newton.
Baltimore -13.5 vs. Cleveland
Naughty: Baltimore and their two different teams.
Nice: Seneca Wallace, I think this guy can actually play if someone would give him a shot.
Baltimore won by 14 at Cleveland last time, they can do this. You can do this Baltimore. Say it with me: We can do this.
San Diego +3 at Detroit
Naughty: Ndamakong Suh. Jim Schwartz, I don't like him. Little bouncing chihauhau.
Nice: Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates, you know why.
Riding the heater baby!! Two weeks left in my fantasy season, we need TDs. Stop running the ball at the goalline, Tom Brady doesn't do it. Throw it to Gates!!!!!
Philadelphia +3 at Dallas
Naughty: Tony Romo in December. Jerry Jones, 1 playoff win since 1996.
Nice: Andy Reid, lots of love for fat guys this time of year. LeSean McCoy, thanks for the TDs buddy.
We're on the trail!! We are on the trail!!
San Francisco +1.5 at Seattle
Naughty: False hope, damn you Seahawks. Jim Harbaugh.
Nice: Skittles. Frank Gore, on my fantasy team.
The 49ers are underdogs at Seattle? What's going on here? 12th man my ass. Where were you a month ago when it was a 1 score game against Washington and you all left? I hope the 49ers throttle them.
Green Bay -13 vs. Chicago
Naughty: Packers last week losing my teaser for me. Caleb Haine. Lovie Smith, are you alive buddy? Green Bay's defense.
Nice: Aaron Rodgers. Bears defense. Devin Hester.
How many B's are in Bounce Back?
Atlanta +6.5 at New Orleans
Naughty: New Orleans outside. The city of Atlanta, ever been there? There is a reason they call it the dirty south. Roddy White, for looking exactly like Julio Jones.
Nice: The city of New Orleans, seems like fun. Darren Sproles. Drew Brees.
The last 4 times these teams have played it has been a 3 point game. I think the Saint's win, but it's close.
Have a good Christmas, I hope you get everything you want. If anyone is looking for a last second gift for me, I would like a Nerf Bow.
Good luck with your week 16 picks
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Quick Thursday Pick
Houston -6.5 @ Indianapolis
Look, I called both of these teams correctly last week, so I'm definitely screwed on this game. Not to mention I am not good at Thursday picks. Including Thanksgiving I am 2 for 7, that's just not good enough. I looked at the data on these teams, but it really doesn't apply. Indy isn't nearly as good as they usually are, so throw out all data from their past seasons. Houston doesn't have Schaub, might have Andre Johnson, and no defensive coordinator so their data goes out the window as well .
Here are my thoughts. If the Colts win another game they are in serious danger of not getting Andrew Luck, which I'm pretty sure would ruin their holiday season. How does that conversation go?
"All right guys. Great win last week. You fought hard and proved everybody wrong. Now I'm gonna need you all to dial it down a couple notches for these last 2 weeks. I'm not saying you should throw the game, but just make it a 75% effort kind of thing. Maybe that running back is too far away for me to run after and tackle. Maybe that linebacker wasn't there when you threw the ball. Maybe you didn't see that blitz coming. Are we on the same page here? . . . . Good talk . . . . . See you out there."
Needless to say I have Houston covering here. They are the playoff team. They need the momentum going into the post season.
Look, I called both of these teams correctly last week, so I'm definitely screwed on this game. Not to mention I am not good at Thursday picks. Including Thanksgiving I am 2 for 7, that's just not good enough. I looked at the data on these teams, but it really doesn't apply. Indy isn't nearly as good as they usually are, so throw out all data from their past seasons. Houston doesn't have Schaub, might have Andre Johnson, and no defensive coordinator so their data goes out the window as well .
Here are my thoughts. If the Colts win another game they are in serious danger of not getting Andrew Luck, which I'm pretty sure would ruin their holiday season. How does that conversation go?
"All right guys. Great win last week. You fought hard and proved everybody wrong. Now I'm gonna need you all to dial it down a couple notches for these last 2 weeks. I'm not saying you should throw the game, but just make it a 75% effort kind of thing. Maybe that running back is too far away for me to run after and tackle. Maybe that linebacker wasn't there when you threw the ball. Maybe you didn't see that blitz coming. Are we on the same page here? . . . . Good talk . . . . . See you out there."
Needless to say I have Houston covering here. They are the playoff team. They need the momentum going into the post season.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Huhns Week 16 Picks
Indianapolis +6.5 vs Houston
I don’t like this pick but Hambone still likes the
Horseshoes and the Texans are shakier and shakier. After last week, it makes me
feel better going with the kid.
Denver -3 at Buffalo
Hambone recognized Tebow on the cover of Sports Illustrated
in the store today. He’ll be picking the Broncos for the rest of time. Everyone
used to rag on me for liking Elway when I was younger. Now he’s a two time
Super Bowl champ with a beer named after him.
Arizona +4.5 at Cincinnati
The Redbirds are a favorite around here for an unknown
reason.
Jacksonville +9.5 at Tennessee
The “Tigers” get the nod from Hambone today. Not even he can
explain it.
Oakland +1 at Kansas City
One point? Does that mean its too hard to figure out or that
no one cares? Hambone likes the Raiders and the Chiefs either really hated
their old coach or used all their mojo last week.
New England -10.5 vs. Miami
Hambone liked New England for the first time that I recall.
Despite Miami’s change… wonder if it has anything to do with a Kardashian being
single again...
Jets -3 vs. Giants
Hambone picked against his Giants for the second time. Both
teams seem to be horrible in December.
Rams +16 at Pittsburgh
Most of the rapisms have been used after Big Ben’s
performance last week so I’ll save any feable attempt. Hambone likes the animal
one over whatever that other thing is too.
Minnesota +6 at Washington
The Skins are coming off a big one and Hambone likes the
pirate looking one. Good enough for me.
Tampa Bay +7 at Carolina
Carolina should score most of the 49 but Hambone thinks the
Buc’s will keep it within seven.
Baltimore -13.5 vs Cleveland
The Ravens are a favorite after watching them on TV.
Cleveland stinks something awful, especially without McCoy and probably not
that much better with a concussed McCoy.
San Diego +3 at Detroit
Lions were big last week but Hambone likes the Bolts and with
only three points, I don’t have a good enough reason to argue. He’s doing
better at this than I am.
Philadelphia +3 at Dallas
Romo and the Boys are historically poorer as they get closer
to the end of what would have been a good season. Hambone noticed the Eagles
were green – he was excited about it.
San Francisco +1.5 at Seattle
The kid chose the “mowhawks”- he still doesn’t know the
power of a Harbaugh. Soon enough the enthusiasm is going to get you.
Green Bay -13 vs Chicago
Two weeks in a row the kid likes the green G’s. Two
touchdowns is a lot and either the Pack will play just close enough to win
because the streak is over and they just want the playoffs to begin or they
will go out for one more big one before cashing it in until the playoffs. We’re
hoping for the latter.
Saints -6.5 vs Atlanta
Another team Hambone recognizes and will continuously pick.
I like Brees over Matty Ice. There’s the logic.
Brent Week 16 Picks
Coming off his best week of the year, Brent has decided to again explain his logic/knowledge for his picks.
Good luck to him this week:
Good luck to him this week:
Texans – Foster and Ben Tate are too much for Indy’s D, Indy’s O will
struggle on a short week vs a good D
Broncos – keep the faith, stay the course
Cardinals – Cincy seems to be struggling lately, I think the Cats pull it
out, but only by a FG
Jaguars – I’m rolling the dice on them as I don’t think the Titans are
gonna roll them like Atlanta did, Jags kick a FG with :01 left to lose by 7
instead of 10
Raiders – Chiefs used up all their juice last week beating GB
Patriots – Miami has had a good run, but December and January belong to the
Bed and Breakfast boys…(Brady and Belichick)
Giants – Jets talk too much and Mark Sanchez sucks, Eli was looking
forward to this game last week
Steelers – the bumble bees are pissed from being embarrassed on national
TV, St. Louis might have covered at home, not in the Steel City though
Redskins – Ponder still looks like a 5th year senior…in high
school, get the ball to Harvin and out of your hands quickly if you want to
have a shot
Panthers – how bad have the Bucs been recently? Bad…that’s the answer
Ravens – I’m hoping that this game turns out to be like 14-0 or
something, Seneca may have used his mobility to his advantage last week to keep
them in it, but now against a pissed off Ravens D
Chargers – I have no idea why the Lions are favored, has anyone seen the
way the Chargers have been playing? If this were an afternoon game, I would
understand, since the Chargers might be out of it, but they are still fighting
in the A.M.
Eagles – Jerry Jones is scared, he knows more than I do…the Eagles
absolutely romped the Cowboys earlier this year
49ers – Seahawks are playing well lately…not well enough to win without
Mike Williams. Marshawn Lynch can eat all the Skittles he wants this weekend,
he isn’t getting 100 yards or into the endzone
Bears – Green Bay will win this game 12-1…yes I know you can’t get 1
point in a football game, but the refs feel bad for Chicago’s QB situation and
spot them 1 point. I am going against Aaron Rodgers in FF this week, so I am
hoping for 4 FG’s by Crosby
Saints – nobody goes into New Orleans and wins in a primetime game…look
at the other examples earlier this year…Colts, Giants, Lions
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What do I drain? Oh that's right . . . Excellence
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Slow and steady wins the race.
It's not how you start, but how you finish.
Attrition is the key to victory.
I could go on for days with other cliches that demonstrate my greatness. The kid on the other hand, has lost a little bit of focus. I know what you're thinking: 2 year olds have the attention span of a gold fish. Not my problem. The kid jumped out to an early lead and everyone jumped on the band wagon.
"Let's take him to Vegas." "All the research doesn't do you any good, if a kid can pick better than you." "How's it feel to be bested by a 2 year old?"
Where are all those people now? Shhhhh . . . . . . . . I don't hear them. The band wagon is empty.
Yah, I know he's only 2 and I'm rubbing it in his face. So what? I'm an ass. You should have seen the smug looks on the kids face every week I went over there while he was beating me. Giving me that devilish little smile. His spiky blonde hair mocking me every second. Well who's out front now little guy?
Here is how the week went:
The kid had a 2-1 lead going into sunday, as he was the only person to pick the Falcons on Thursday and everyone picked Dallas on Saturday. He wouldn't win many more after this.
Dolphins beat Bills in the Snow
Me: Dolphins
Kid: Bills
This game really wasn't as close as the score showed. Buffalo rallied late with a TD pass to CJ Spiller to make it look close. It was cool to finally see a game in the snow. Turns out, Reggie Bush, pretty good in the snow. 25 Carries, 203 yards, and 1 penalty for sliding in the End Zone after a TD. A penalty for sliding? Really? How much does it suck to be a ref? And no, I'm not just saying this because I hate refs, umps, and everyone else of their ilk. They get yelled at all game and best case scenario is that only team is pissed at them after the game. Personally I think they are all just on a power trip. "Oh look at me, I'm in control. I haven't thrown a flag in awhile, better find something to penalize."
I hate refs.
How pissed is Tony Sparano? As a coach who has been fired himself you always tell people you hope that team does great without you. But on the inside you are hoping they never win a game and get beat so bad that they have to implement a new mercy rule just to end the game. I know Sparano wanted nothing more than the Dolphins to go up to Buffalo and get throttled. But maybe not as much as another coach we will discuss later.
Seattle & Arizona keep pace in the battle for false hope
Everyone picked Seattle & Arizona
I know these teams aren't very good, but lets be honest, they have the same record as the NY Giants. Everyone thought the NY Giants were a playoff team and had a chance at beating the Packers in the playoffs before this weekend. At least at the start of the season, when they were both losing, each teams fan base could look forward to their high draft pick for next year. Now, both of these teams will narrowly miss the playoffs and get a mid-teens draft pick. Seattle has finally mastered the formula for continued mediocrity.
Indy shocks the world
Me: Colts
Kid: Tennessee
I would like to fault the kid for making a bad pick here, but he wasn't alone. Everyone else picked Tennessee to not only win, but cover as well. Everyone except me that is. Pretty sure I called this one. If you don't remember, go back and look. And if you do remember I ask that next time you see me you bow in my presence. It's ok, I stretched this morning so I won't hurt myself patting my own back.
Kansas City gives Todd Haley a big &%$* you
Me: Green Bay
Kid: Green Bay
Two important things here:
1) Todd Haley needed to be put on suicide watch Sunday. He gets fired earlier in the week, then sees his former team go out and play inspired football to beat the only undefeated team in the NFL. That has to suck. It's one thing for your team to win after you get canned, but to play better than they have all season, that's a good reason to get wheel barrow drunk.
2) I had a 3 team teaser going Sunday morning. Carolina to cover (which they did), Indy to cover (which they did) and Green Bay to only win by 7 or more. I thought Green Bay was my safest pick. Little did I know that their linemen all went out to stuff themselves with some Missouri BBQ food the night before and wouldn't be able to move on Sunday. When did the Chiefs D-line become the best in the NFL? They were simply running past the Packers O-line and hitting Aaron Rodgers. It's safe to say that I did not get this one right.
Some credit should go to Brent and the Huhns for picking the Chiefs. . . Ok, that's enough.
St. Louis & Cincinnati push
Our first push of the year. How uneventful. Cincinnati keeps their playoff hopes alive, but helps nobody out in the process. This would come from a Marvin Lewis team, who ties Colts head coach Jim Caldwell as the most boring coach in the NFL.
New Orleans crushes Minnesota
Me: Minnesota
Kid: New Orleans
I went out on a limb with this pick. Then the limb snapped and I fell 40 feet to the ground and landed on a sharp rock. Hey, you can't get them all right. Let's add Leslie Frazier to that list of corpse head coaches. Speaking of which, I don't know who calls the plays on offense for Minnesota, but thanks for not getting Percy Harvin the ball. I really appreciate the 0 points he put up in my fantasy league this week.
Week 13: 13 touches, 175 yards, 2 TD
Week 14: 14 touches, 109 yards, 1 TD
Week 15: 4 touches, 7 yards, 0 TD
If you are the Minnesota offensive coordinator you have 2 weapons: Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin. How do you not get both of them the ball? How have these guys not been fired yet? They are 2-11 and their wins are against Arizona and Carolina, both in the first half of the season. Miami was 4-9 and fired their coach. Kansas City can technically still make the playoffs and they fired their coach. What does this guy have to do to get fired?
NY Giants screw me again
Me: NY Giants
Kid: NY Giants
I knew it would happen. Here were my exact words: "The Giants should cover this easily, but I do feel like Eli is gonna bend me over on this one."
Why didn't I listen to myself? Did anyone watch this game? The Giants fell behind by 20. To the Redskins. Their only TD was by Ahmad Bradshaw, who has 6 all year, and he happened to be playing against me in my TD only fantasy league. Awesome. What a weird way to kick me in the jewels after you punched me in the throat. Ah, Eli.
Carolina beats the streaking Texans
Me: Carolina
Kid: Houston
The kid rode the hot streak of TJ Yates and the Texans here and he got burned. Tough one. If only someone would have known that the Texans might be in letdown mode and that the Panthers would win. Bummer. Wait! Let's go back to my picks:
Weird. Who would have thought? Excuse me, I need to go drain something real quick.
Detroit wins, doesn't cover
Everyone picked Detroit
The Lions actually had to come back to win this game. Sure they were on the road, but come on. The Lions are currently a playoff team. They need to be better than this.
One quick question: how come nobody covers Calvin Johnson? He is one of the best receivers in the league right? If I know that, you would think defenses would. It's not like the lions have another star receiver that you have to double team. Johnson continues to get open late in games all over the field. This is mind boggling to me. What is the thought process here? You know who they are throwing to, why would you let him get open?
The battle of good vs. evil
Me: Patriots
Kid: Patriots
This was the Menace's only afternoon win and it was good to see the kid join the dark side for this game. However, I did have to wait for him to get home from church to make his picks on Sunday. I know buddy, its hard the first time you cross over. You feel bad about yourself. What have I done? Is this really the way I want to go? You do things to make up for your bad choices, like go to church, help old people. Don't worry, it gets easier. Soon enough you won't even give it a second thought. And you will never want to help old people. . . . don't get me started.
Don't ever doubt Belichick. He has powers you can't even begin to comprehend.
The Eagles ride the trail
Me: Eagles
Kid: NY Jets
We're on the trail baby!! This game was horrible to watch. Turnovers. Bad defense. I actually thought this would be a lower scoring game, which is why I took the under. Then they go and put up 64 points. Good call by me. I went 4 for 6 on my bets this weekend. Sounds good right? Not when you have 2 three team teasers and lose one in each set. This happens more than you'd think.
If they Cowboys find a way to lose this week, which they will since it's December, then this trail turns into a nice paved road. Speaking of America's team, did you know Dallas has only won 1 playoff game since 1996. Just 1. The Eagles could be a dangerous team if they make it in, the Cowboys will not.
What the hell happened to Baltimore?
Me: San Diego
Kid: San Diego
First off, lets tackle Flacco's mustache. Some people can pull off a fu man chu, but he is not one of them. Maybe if he didn't have the facial expressions of eyore from winnie the pooh he could do it. I'm pretty sure you have to ride a bull, harley davidson, or lion in order to have one of these.
Second, I have to agree with Bill Simmons. As much as I like Ray Lewis it's about time for him to stop doing his way over the top, increasingly animated, pregame speeches. I'm all for getting fired up. But when your team comes out and plays like they just got shot with a tranquilizer dart, it loses it's luster. The Chargers dominated the Ravens, another playoff team. It's not looking good for some of these top seeds going into the end of the season.
Brents 49ers get it done.
Me: 49ers
Kid: Steelers
I should give credit to Brent for this one. Mostly since if I would have lost I would completely blame him. The 49ers did win and Brent was right. But the big story here is how the hell an NFL team, on Monday Night Football, can lose power to their stadium during a game not once, but twice. Is there a light switch on the wall somewhere that any drunk idiot can accidentally switch it off? Do they keep their transformers in a place where rowdy tailgaters can get to them? This was a little embarassing I thought. My favorite part was when ESPN brought on there reporter from ESPN desportes to talk about the power outage.
"Uh, they won't tell me much about it. But I do know that something is wrong because everyone is scrambling around frantically trying to fix it."
Wow. That guy is good. And why did it have to be the guy from ESPN Desportes? Did all the stadium workers only speak spanish and he was the only one who could talk to them? If so, shouldn't he have had better information?
So confused. Oh well, let's wrap this up.
This was my best week so far and Brent had a big week, which I also called. Don't worry, my head still fits through all doors. The kid went down a little this week and the Huhns continue to drop from their high spot.
This week:
Me 9-6-1
Brent 9-6-1
Huhns 7-8-1
Kid 6-9-1
Season
Me: 43-41 51%
Kid: 40-44 48%
Brent: 27-29 48%
Huhns: 22-20 52%
Slow and steady wins the race.
It's not how you start, but how you finish.
Attrition is the key to victory.
I could go on for days with other cliches that demonstrate my greatness. The kid on the other hand, has lost a little bit of focus. I know what you're thinking: 2 year olds have the attention span of a gold fish. Not my problem. The kid jumped out to an early lead and everyone jumped on the band wagon.
"Let's take him to Vegas." "All the research doesn't do you any good, if a kid can pick better than you." "How's it feel to be bested by a 2 year old?"
Where are all those people now? Shhhhh . . . . . . . . I don't hear them. The band wagon is empty.
Yah, I know he's only 2 and I'm rubbing it in his face. So what? I'm an ass. You should have seen the smug looks on the kids face every week I went over there while he was beating me. Giving me that devilish little smile. His spiky blonde hair mocking me every second. Well who's out front now little guy?
Here is how the week went:
The kid had a 2-1 lead going into sunday, as he was the only person to pick the Falcons on Thursday and everyone picked Dallas on Saturday. He wouldn't win many more after this.
Dolphins beat Bills in the Snow
Me: Dolphins
Kid: Bills
This game really wasn't as close as the score showed. Buffalo rallied late with a TD pass to CJ Spiller to make it look close. It was cool to finally see a game in the snow. Turns out, Reggie Bush, pretty good in the snow. 25 Carries, 203 yards, and 1 penalty for sliding in the End Zone after a TD. A penalty for sliding? Really? How much does it suck to be a ref? And no, I'm not just saying this because I hate refs, umps, and everyone else of their ilk. They get yelled at all game and best case scenario is that only team is pissed at them after the game. Personally I think they are all just on a power trip. "Oh look at me, I'm in control. I haven't thrown a flag in awhile, better find something to penalize."
I hate refs.
How pissed is Tony Sparano? As a coach who has been fired himself you always tell people you hope that team does great without you. But on the inside you are hoping they never win a game and get beat so bad that they have to implement a new mercy rule just to end the game. I know Sparano wanted nothing more than the Dolphins to go up to Buffalo and get throttled. But maybe not as much as another coach we will discuss later.
Seattle & Arizona keep pace in the battle for false hope
Everyone picked Seattle & Arizona
I know these teams aren't very good, but lets be honest, they have the same record as the NY Giants. Everyone thought the NY Giants were a playoff team and had a chance at beating the Packers in the playoffs before this weekend. At least at the start of the season, when they were both losing, each teams fan base could look forward to their high draft pick for next year. Now, both of these teams will narrowly miss the playoffs and get a mid-teens draft pick. Seattle has finally mastered the formula for continued mediocrity.
Indy shocks the world
Me: Colts
Kid: Tennessee
I would like to fault the kid for making a bad pick here, but he wasn't alone. Everyone else picked Tennessee to not only win, but cover as well. Everyone except me that is. Pretty sure I called this one. If you don't remember, go back and look. And if you do remember I ask that next time you see me you bow in my presence. It's ok, I stretched this morning so I won't hurt myself patting my own back.
Kansas City gives Todd Haley a big &%$* you
Me: Green Bay
Kid: Green Bay
Two important things here:
1) Todd Haley needed to be put on suicide watch Sunday. He gets fired earlier in the week, then sees his former team go out and play inspired football to beat the only undefeated team in the NFL. That has to suck. It's one thing for your team to win after you get canned, but to play better than they have all season, that's a good reason to get wheel barrow drunk.
2) I had a 3 team teaser going Sunday morning. Carolina to cover (which they did), Indy to cover (which they did) and Green Bay to only win by 7 or more. I thought Green Bay was my safest pick. Little did I know that their linemen all went out to stuff themselves with some Missouri BBQ food the night before and wouldn't be able to move on Sunday. When did the Chiefs D-line become the best in the NFL? They were simply running past the Packers O-line and hitting Aaron Rodgers. It's safe to say that I did not get this one right.
Some credit should go to Brent and the Huhns for picking the Chiefs. . . Ok, that's enough.
St. Louis & Cincinnati push
Our first push of the year. How uneventful. Cincinnati keeps their playoff hopes alive, but helps nobody out in the process. This would come from a Marvin Lewis team, who ties Colts head coach Jim Caldwell as the most boring coach in the NFL.
New Orleans crushes Minnesota
Me: Minnesota
Kid: New Orleans
I went out on a limb with this pick. Then the limb snapped and I fell 40 feet to the ground and landed on a sharp rock. Hey, you can't get them all right. Let's add Leslie Frazier to that list of corpse head coaches. Speaking of which, I don't know who calls the plays on offense for Minnesota, but thanks for not getting Percy Harvin the ball. I really appreciate the 0 points he put up in my fantasy league this week.
Week 13: 13 touches, 175 yards, 2 TD
Week 14: 14 touches, 109 yards, 1 TD
Week 15: 4 touches, 7 yards, 0 TD
If you are the Minnesota offensive coordinator you have 2 weapons: Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin. How do you not get both of them the ball? How have these guys not been fired yet? They are 2-11 and their wins are against Arizona and Carolina, both in the first half of the season. Miami was 4-9 and fired their coach. Kansas City can technically still make the playoffs and they fired their coach. What does this guy have to do to get fired?
NY Giants screw me again
Me: NY Giants
Kid: NY Giants
I knew it would happen. Here were my exact words: "The Giants should cover this easily, but I do feel like Eli is gonna bend me over on this one."
Why didn't I listen to myself? Did anyone watch this game? The Giants fell behind by 20. To the Redskins. Their only TD was by Ahmad Bradshaw, who has 6 all year, and he happened to be playing against me in my TD only fantasy league. Awesome. What a weird way to kick me in the jewels after you punched me in the throat. Ah, Eli.
Carolina beats the streaking Texans
Me: Carolina
Kid: Houston
The kid rode the hot streak of TJ Yates and the Texans here and he got burned. Tough one. If only someone would have known that the Texans might be in letdown mode and that the Panthers would win. Bummer. Wait! Let's go back to my picks:
Houston makes it to the playoffs for the first time ever on a last second TD last week. Classic letdown game this week.
Weird. Who would have thought? Excuse me, I need to go drain something real quick.
Detroit wins, doesn't cover
Everyone picked Detroit
The Lions actually had to come back to win this game. Sure they were on the road, but come on. The Lions are currently a playoff team. They need to be better than this.
One quick question: how come nobody covers Calvin Johnson? He is one of the best receivers in the league right? If I know that, you would think defenses would. It's not like the lions have another star receiver that you have to double team. Johnson continues to get open late in games all over the field. This is mind boggling to me. What is the thought process here? You know who they are throwing to, why would you let him get open?
The battle of good vs. evil
Me: Patriots
Kid: Patriots
This was the Menace's only afternoon win and it was good to see the kid join the dark side for this game. However, I did have to wait for him to get home from church to make his picks on Sunday. I know buddy, its hard the first time you cross over. You feel bad about yourself. What have I done? Is this really the way I want to go? You do things to make up for your bad choices, like go to church, help old people. Don't worry, it gets easier. Soon enough you won't even give it a second thought. And you will never want to help old people. . . . don't get me started.
Don't ever doubt Belichick. He has powers you can't even begin to comprehend.
The Eagles ride the trail
Me: Eagles
Kid: NY Jets
We're on the trail baby!! This game was horrible to watch. Turnovers. Bad defense. I actually thought this would be a lower scoring game, which is why I took the under. Then they go and put up 64 points. Good call by me. I went 4 for 6 on my bets this weekend. Sounds good right? Not when you have 2 three team teasers and lose one in each set. This happens more than you'd think.
If they Cowboys find a way to lose this week, which they will since it's December, then this trail turns into a nice paved road. Speaking of America's team, did you know Dallas has only won 1 playoff game since 1996. Just 1. The Eagles could be a dangerous team if they make it in, the Cowboys will not.
What the hell happened to Baltimore?
Me: San Diego
Kid: San Diego
First off, lets tackle Flacco's mustache. Some people can pull off a fu man chu, but he is not one of them. Maybe if he didn't have the facial expressions of eyore from winnie the pooh he could do it. I'm pretty sure you have to ride a bull, harley davidson, or lion in order to have one of these.Second, I have to agree with Bill Simmons. As much as I like Ray Lewis it's about time for him to stop doing his way over the top, increasingly animated, pregame speeches. I'm all for getting fired up. But when your team comes out and plays like they just got shot with a tranquilizer dart, it loses it's luster. The Chargers dominated the Ravens, another playoff team. It's not looking good for some of these top seeds going into the end of the season.
Brents 49ers get it done.
Me: 49ers
Kid: Steelers
I should give credit to Brent for this one. Mostly since if I would have lost I would completely blame him. The 49ers did win and Brent was right. But the big story here is how the hell an NFL team, on Monday Night Football, can lose power to their stadium during a game not once, but twice. Is there a light switch on the wall somewhere that any drunk idiot can accidentally switch it off? Do they keep their transformers in a place where rowdy tailgaters can get to them? This was a little embarassing I thought. My favorite part was when ESPN brought on there reporter from ESPN desportes to talk about the power outage.
"Uh, they won't tell me much about it. But I do know that something is wrong because everyone is scrambling around frantically trying to fix it."
Wow. That guy is good. And why did it have to be the guy from ESPN Desportes? Did all the stadium workers only speak spanish and he was the only one who could talk to them? If so, shouldn't he have had better information?
So confused. Oh well, let's wrap this up.
This was my best week so far and Brent had a big week, which I also called. Don't worry, my head still fits through all doors. The kid went down a little this week and the Huhns continue to drop from their high spot.
This week:
Me 9-6-1
Brent 9-6-1
Huhns 7-8-1
Kid 6-9-1
Season
Me: 43-41 51%
Kid: 40-44 48%
Brent: 27-29 48%
Huhns: 22-20 52%
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The Menace Week 15 Picks
After Thursday night when Jacksonville got their faces caved in by the Falcons, and everyone over the age of 2 picked the Atlanta I knew we were gonna be screwed. I knew there was no chance in hell that the kid would pick Jacksonville. My only fading glimmer of hope was that the Jaguars logo looks like a cat, and this kid goes bonkers for cats. He will literally crawl around on the ground and meow like he is a cat. But this morning, when he did his picks, he didn't even notice the cat. He slammed the plastic drill he was using to make his picks down on the Falcons logo emphatically. Almost as if he were saying, "Take that losers."
So not a good start to week 15 for the rest of us, as the kid also picked Dallas (stupid star logo comes back to bite me in the ass) and is now 2 for 2 to start the week.
Here are the rest of his picks:
Buffalo +1.5
Seattle +3.5
Tennessee -7
Green Bay -14.5
St. Louis +7
New Orleans -7
NY Giants -7
Houston -6.5
Detroit -1.5
New England -4.5
NY Jets +2
Arizona -6.5
San Diego -1
Pittsburgh +2.5
So not a good start to week 15 for the rest of us, as the kid also picked Dallas (stupid star logo comes back to bite me in the ass) and is now 2 for 2 to start the week.
Here are the rest of his picks:
Buffalo +1.5
Seattle +3.5
Tennessee -7
Green Bay -14.5
St. Louis +7
New Orleans -7
NY Giants -7
Houston -6.5
Detroit -1.5
New England -4.5
NY Jets +2
Arizona -6.5
San Diego -1
Pittsburgh +2.5
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Week 15 Picks
Let's start this week off with a big thank you to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Your performance on Thursday night made that game exactly what I thought it would be. Let's look at this timeline for the Jags. You dump your starting QB at the beginning of the year and decide to run with Sunshine, who sucks. You fire your head coach, play three horrible prime time games on TV, and get a new owner, who apparently won the Pakintani Rollie Fingers look-a-like contest, that is probably going to move you to LA. I hope the NFL contracts you.
If there is a sense of bitterness in this weeks column, that is because my new daughter and I have been battling for the past 4 hours between eating, trying to sleep (but not sleeping), and crying (which she just started again). I will try to be as positive as I can.
Dallas -6 at Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay sucks. They are tied for the worse team in Florida with Jacksonville and Miami. Bad year for Florida football this year. Gators sucked, Seminoles tanked, Miami finally got thrown on the mat, and all their NFL teams are horrible.
If Dallas has any chance of making the playoffs, they have to win this game. But people always think the NFC East is better than it really is.Cowboys have to cover this to save some face, otherwise Garrett gets fired.
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
I have Miami winning the battle for Florida. But in order to do so they are going to have to beat a bills team that has lost 6 straight, doesn't have their starting running back, and is generally pissed about having to live in Buffalo.
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
The Seahawks have a chance to back door their way into the playoffs, giving them a worse draft pick but creating false hope for their fans. Of course they win this game. This is what the Seahawks do. Besides, how bad is Caleb Haine? This guy is making Matt Leinhert look like a playable option. The Bears are cursed anyway, you saw last weeks game.
Oh, we're gonna shut out Tebow, at home. He's not that good. I don't know what all the hype is about.
So what, if he scored a TD with 2 minutes to go. We get the ball and he still needs another score.
Wait. You're telling me you have to stay in bounds for the clock to keep running. When did we start playing like that? Who is making up all these new rules?
Indianapolis +7 vs. Tennessee
I'm riding the back door cover train. Called it last week. Play'n it this week as well. In fact, I'm shocking the world right now. Indy wins this game. They are at home, have been playing somewhat better, and Tennessee is pretty much out of the playoffs at this point. Shockin the World!!!!!!
I love when people say that. When I was an assistant football coach at a small high school in the boondocks one year, we were getting ready to play the best team in the league. All the players and even the head coach were walking around saying, "We're gonna shock the world!!"
Yah!! Cause people in China, let alone the next town over, care if our school from bum *&^$ Egypt beats another small school in a high school football game. . . . Idiots.
We're gonna shock the world!!!
Green Bay -14.5 at Kansas City
In these last couple weeks Green Bay may rest their starters and not cover a spread, but this is not that week. Besides, KC sucks something awful.
Cincinnati -7 at St. Louis
St. Louis sucks. Anyone catching on to the trend here? And by the way, when I start on a negative path, it tends to just spew everywhere. So if I'm offending any of you, just stop reading the damn column.
Minnesota +7 vs. New Orleans
God this is a horrible pick.
The Vikings have been playing better. Joe Webb poses a 2 way threat for a bad New Orleans defense. Adrian Peterson is coming back to play for his fantasy owners this week. Leslie Frazier is on the verge of being fired. The Saints are horrible on the road. Dome or not, they got beat at St. Louis earlier this year, and St. Louis sucks. The Saints have already clinched and they are playing Atlanta next week on Monday night football. Classic trap game.
NY Giants -7 vs. Washington
Can't over think this. Washington sucks. I know I mean the Redskins, but a little part of me likes the fact that you would phrase that the same for the Huskies. The Giants should cover this easily, but I do feel like Eli is gonna bend me over on this one. Somebody in the NFC East has to step up, right?
Carolina +6.5 at Houston
Houston makes it to the playoffs for the first time ever on a last second TD last week. Classic letdown game this week. Especially with Wade Phillips have some kind of non serious surgery. Houston may very well win this game, but they don't have the high powered offense that they did with Matt Schaub. Since TJ Yates has taken over they have won all three games by one score or less. This will be a close game, so I gotta go with Back Door Cam.
Detroit -1.5 at Oakland
Over under on total penalties in this game: 37
Over under on player ejections: 1.5
Over under on Carson Palmer interceptions: 2.5
Over under on how many players try to untie Ndamkong Suh's shoe laces in the pile: 13
New England -4.5 at Denver
So if I drink this cup of Kool-aid I will get to live forever, but if I drink this cup of kool-aid I will get endless wealth and knowledge. . . . . I can only choose one huh?
This is my fault for drinking from too many punch bowls. Pick a horse and stay with it.
God forgives, Belichick does not.
Philadelphia -2 vs. NY Jets
Eagles back door into the playoffs baby. So Philly was a 3 point dog last week at Miami, but now they are a 2 point favorite vs. the Jets? Classic flip flop. Flip Flopper!!!! Some of you may not get that. At least one of you will. Look, I drafted Michael Vick in every possible fantasy league I could. And he drove me right into a big yellow school bus going 50 MPH. So I can't stop riding him now. If we have learned anything from Vick, it's that there will be some major bumps in the way, but he will get you there.
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
Cleveland sucks. Arizona has played very well lately, and very good at home. I don't think the Colt McCoy situation will be that big of a deal. I actually think Seneca Wallace will give the Cardinals a harder time than McCoy would have due to his feet. But Arizona is going to try their hardest to keep up with Seattle in the false hope contest.
San Diego +1 vs. Baltimore
Also a horrible pick, but I think San Diego's late season surge just came on too late this year. Besides, every week I have to throw out as much good karma as I can for Rivers and Gates in my TD only fantasy league. Laugh if you want, but I did it last week and they hooked up for 2 TDs. People who don't believe in karma are the same people who walk into walls cause they took the turn too tight.
San Francisco -2.5 vs. Pittsburgh
If San Fran has any chance of doing anything in the playoffs, they have to beat the Steelers on Monday night. If Ben Roethlisberger doesn't play, this game might be 7-6. Another prime time stunner for the NFL. I'm putting some faith into my buddy Brent here as he tells me the 49ers are for real. But my hate for Harbaugh has me wanting to pick the Steelers. Stupid Harbaugh. Who wears a collared shirt under a standard sweatshirt? That's like wearing sweat pants underneath your shorts. Moron.
Good Luck to all of you in your Week 15 picks. My daughter has finally fallen asleep, so I am going to go pound a couple of beers before she wakes up.
Don't judge me.
If there is a sense of bitterness in this weeks column, that is because my new daughter and I have been battling for the past 4 hours between eating, trying to sleep (but not sleeping), and crying (which she just started again). I will try to be as positive as I can.
Dallas -6 at Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay sucks. They are tied for the worse team in Florida with Jacksonville and Miami. Bad year for Florida football this year. Gators sucked, Seminoles tanked, Miami finally got thrown on the mat, and all their NFL teams are horrible.
If Dallas has any chance of making the playoffs, they have to win this game. But people always think the NFC East is better than it really is.Cowboys have to cover this to save some face, otherwise Garrett gets fired.
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
I have Miami winning the battle for Florida. But in order to do so they are going to have to beat a bills team that has lost 6 straight, doesn't have their starting running back, and is generally pissed about having to live in Buffalo.
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
The Seahawks have a chance to back door their way into the playoffs, giving them a worse draft pick but creating false hope for their fans. Of course they win this game. This is what the Seahawks do. Besides, how bad is Caleb Haine? This guy is making Matt Leinhert look like a playable option. The Bears are cursed anyway, you saw last weeks game.
Oh, we're gonna shut out Tebow, at home. He's not that good. I don't know what all the hype is about.
So what, if he scored a TD with 2 minutes to go. We get the ball and he still needs another score.
Wait. You're telling me you have to stay in bounds for the clock to keep running. When did we start playing like that? Who is making up all these new rules?
Indianapolis +7 vs. Tennessee
I'm riding the back door cover train. Called it last week. Play'n it this week as well. In fact, I'm shocking the world right now. Indy wins this game. They are at home, have been playing somewhat better, and Tennessee is pretty much out of the playoffs at this point. Shockin the World!!!!!!
I love when people say that. When I was an assistant football coach at a small high school in the boondocks one year, we were getting ready to play the best team in the league. All the players and even the head coach were walking around saying, "We're gonna shock the world!!"
Yah!! Cause people in China, let alone the next town over, care if our school from bum *&^$ Egypt beats another small school in a high school football game. . . . Idiots.
We're gonna shock the world!!!
Green Bay -14.5 at Kansas City
In these last couple weeks Green Bay may rest their starters and not cover a spread, but this is not that week. Besides, KC sucks something awful.
Cincinnati -7 at St. Louis
St. Louis sucks. Anyone catching on to the trend here? And by the way, when I start on a negative path, it tends to just spew everywhere. So if I'm offending any of you, just stop reading the damn column.
Minnesota +7 vs. New Orleans
God this is a horrible pick.
The Vikings have been playing better. Joe Webb poses a 2 way threat for a bad New Orleans defense. Adrian Peterson is coming back to play for his fantasy owners this week. Leslie Frazier is on the verge of being fired. The Saints are horrible on the road. Dome or not, they got beat at St. Louis earlier this year, and St. Louis sucks. The Saints have already clinched and they are playing Atlanta next week on Monday night football. Classic trap game.
NY Giants -7 vs. Washington
Can't over think this. Washington sucks. I know I mean the Redskins, but a little part of me likes the fact that you would phrase that the same for the Huskies. The Giants should cover this easily, but I do feel like Eli is gonna bend me over on this one. Somebody in the NFC East has to step up, right?
Carolina +6.5 at Houston
Houston makes it to the playoffs for the first time ever on a last second TD last week. Classic letdown game this week. Especially with Wade Phillips have some kind of non serious surgery. Houston may very well win this game, but they don't have the high powered offense that they did with Matt Schaub. Since TJ Yates has taken over they have won all three games by one score or less. This will be a close game, so I gotta go with Back Door Cam.
Detroit -1.5 at Oakland
Over under on total penalties in this game: 37
Over under on player ejections: 1.5
Over under on Carson Palmer interceptions: 2.5
Over under on how many players try to untie Ndamkong Suh's shoe laces in the pile: 13
New England -4.5 at Denver
So if I drink this cup of Kool-aid I will get to live forever, but if I drink this cup of kool-aid I will get endless wealth and knowledge. . . . . I can only choose one huh?
This is my fault for drinking from too many punch bowls. Pick a horse and stay with it.
God forgives, Belichick does not.
Philadelphia -2 vs. NY Jets
Eagles back door into the playoffs baby. So Philly was a 3 point dog last week at Miami, but now they are a 2 point favorite vs. the Jets? Classic flip flop. Flip Flopper!!!! Some of you may not get that. At least one of you will. Look, I drafted Michael Vick in every possible fantasy league I could. And he drove me right into a big yellow school bus going 50 MPH. So I can't stop riding him now. If we have learned anything from Vick, it's that there will be some major bumps in the way, but he will get you there.
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
Cleveland sucks. Arizona has played very well lately, and very good at home. I don't think the Colt McCoy situation will be that big of a deal. I actually think Seneca Wallace will give the Cardinals a harder time than McCoy would have due to his feet. But Arizona is going to try their hardest to keep up with Seattle in the false hope contest.
San Diego +1 vs. Baltimore
Also a horrible pick, but I think San Diego's late season surge just came on too late this year. Besides, every week I have to throw out as much good karma as I can for Rivers and Gates in my TD only fantasy league. Laugh if you want, but I did it last week and they hooked up for 2 TDs. People who don't believe in karma are the same people who walk into walls cause they took the turn too tight.
San Francisco -2.5 vs. Pittsburgh
If San Fran has any chance of doing anything in the playoffs, they have to beat the Steelers on Monday night. If Ben Roethlisberger doesn't play, this game might be 7-6. Another prime time stunner for the NFL. I'm putting some faith into my buddy Brent here as he tells me the 49ers are for real. But my hate for Harbaugh has me wanting to pick the Steelers. Stupid Harbaugh. Who wears a collared shirt under a standard sweatshirt? That's like wearing sweat pants underneath your shorts. Moron.
Good Luck to all of you in your Week 15 picks. My daughter has finally fallen asleep, so I am going to go pound a couple of beers before she wakes up.
Don't judge me.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Huhns week 15 picks
Jacksonville +10.5 at Atlanta
Hambone likes the Cats again, no surprise there. 10.5 points
is a lot.
Dallas -6 at Tampa Bay
We both agree on this one. Even though it’s December and
Romo should be fading, it seems like a decent pick.
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
The Dolphins are one logo Hambone recognizes and a 1.5
spread means no one cares. Since we lost two last week because the kid can’t
type, I’m letting this one ride.
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
After a big MNF win and the Bears getting Tebowed, Hambone
and I agree that Seattle wins – I’m not sure they cover but the boy seems
pretty confident.
Tennessee -7 at Indianapolis
Taking my chances here, the Horseshoes are a favorite in my
house but if Peyton is getting MVP votes and not even playing the Colts are
bad, really bad.
Green Bay -14.5 at Kansas City
In a surprise, the kid picked the “most boring logo in
sports” for the first time.
Cincinnati -7 at St. Louis
We both agree on this on. Cincy rights the path and the Rams
are, well, the Rams.
New Orleans -7 at Minnesota
A dome is a dome is a dome. Brees and the Swords cover. We
both agree.
NY Giants -7 vs. Washington
Eli, Icebox, and the Annexation of Puerto Rico plus the
Skins stink.
Carolina +6.5 at Houston
I like the Texans, but agree with the kid, the logo is
better and Panthers will probably cover. Splitting the difference.
Detroit -1.5 at Oakland
Hambone recognizes the Lions and -1.5 is a pick ‘em. I think
he’s right.
Denver +4.5 vs New England
“Hey Dad, when do we get to pick the Broncos? Remember Tim
Tebow?” That’s about right.
NY Jets +2 at Philadelphia
The kid likes the Jets logo. He doesn’t know better. Reid
may be coaching for his job or a job but either way at 2 points it’s a toss up.
I’m going with the boy.
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
The Redbirds triumph over a McCoyless Browns team. Why not?
Yes – it is comforting and annoying to know that even pro’s Dad’s are a PIA.
Baltimore -1 at San Diego
I can’t even type that without thinking “a whale’s vagina”…
1 point is boring. Hambone likes the Raven’s because they are purple – that’s
it. No logic behind Ravens and purple just how The Giant’s brain works.
San Francisco -2.5 vs. Pittsburgh
Going against the kid here simply because Harbaugh. That’s
it. Harbaugh.
My Thursday Pick
Jacksonville -10.5 at Atlanta
My wife has taken a couple of months off to stay home with our new daughter. She is money. Rarely wakes me up to do anything and takes care of the kid all night so that I can sleep. A couple of nights ago she had to wake me up to hold the kid while she drained some excellence (That's what we drain in the Staton family). So I'm holding my daughter at 2:30 am, she is wide awake, looking at me, probably wondering who the hell this giant guy is and why isn't he letting me suck on his breasts to eat. Then all of a sudden she gags and throws up out her mouth and nose all over herself. Now I'm scrambling, trying to find a rag to wipe her down and clean the barf off my pillow.
Awesome.
Here's your daughter. Oh how cute. Barf.
That's pretty much how I feel about tonight's game and the line, which is currently up to 14, but we are picking at 10.5. Here's a random Thursday night game. Oh the Jaguars and the Falcons. Barf.
Honestly, Atlanta could win by 30, Jacksonville could control the clock and win by a TD, or Atlanta could win a tight game due to Jacksonville's pass defense, which is better than people think.
Since 1996 these teams have played 4 times. Jacksonville has won 3 of them. Atlantas only win was by 7 points when Wade Phillips was their head coach. Wait, Wade Phillips was the head coach in Atlanta?
Atlanta has only one 2 games this year by more than 10 points (Carolina and Indy) and Jacksonville has only lost by more than 10 twice (Jets and Chargers).
Really I don't like either side of this game. But all the data points to this being a closer game, so I'm going with the Jags.
My wife has taken a couple of months off to stay home with our new daughter. She is money. Rarely wakes me up to do anything and takes care of the kid all night so that I can sleep. A couple of nights ago she had to wake me up to hold the kid while she drained some excellence (That's what we drain in the Staton family). So I'm holding my daughter at 2:30 am, she is wide awake, looking at me, probably wondering who the hell this giant guy is and why isn't he letting me suck on his breasts to eat. Then all of a sudden she gags and throws up out her mouth and nose all over herself. Now I'm scrambling, trying to find a rag to wipe her down and clean the barf off my pillow.
Awesome.
Here's your daughter. Oh how cute. Barf.
That's pretty much how I feel about tonight's game and the line, which is currently up to 14, but we are picking at 10.5. Here's a random Thursday night game. Oh the Jaguars and the Falcons. Barf.
Honestly, Atlanta could win by 30, Jacksonville could control the clock and win by a TD, or Atlanta could win a tight game due to Jacksonville's pass defense, which is better than people think.
Since 1996 these teams have played 4 times. Jacksonville has won 3 of them. Atlantas only win was by 7 points when Wade Phillips was their head coach. Wait, Wade Phillips was the head coach in Atlanta?
Atlanta has only one 2 games this year by more than 10 points (Carolina and Indy) and Jacksonville has only lost by more than 10 twice (Jets and Chargers).
Really I don't like either side of this game. But all the data points to this being a closer game, so I'm going with the Jags.
Brent's Week 15 Picks
This week Brent has begun justifying his picks. Whether this is an attempt to convince all of you he is making the right choice or to convince himself he is making the right choice, I don't know. But Brent is due for a big week this week.
Jax - MJD is a truck/bowling ball/train/whatever you want to call
him for a driving force
Dallas - Dallas is pissed at their kicker and will go for TD’s all
day, Tampa Bay hasn’t been the same since the 49ers demolished them
Seattle - Tavaris Jackson is playing well and Marshawn Lynch is
eating Skittles
Tennessee - CJ 2K…I’m a believer again
KC - Green Bay will rest their starters after they are up by 17 in
the 4th and let Kyle Orton have a stupid TD
Cincy - the Pale Rider leads them back to the promise land
New Orleans - Saints are fighting for #2 in the NFC…that’s a big
deal for them
Skins - they cover, probably don’t win
Carolina - D Coordinator out due to a voluntary medical
procedure…they are in the playoffs and don’t care as much anymore…Cam backdoors
them
Detroit - I honestly have no clue, both teams are streaky and
dirty…Suh vs Seymour who gets ejected first?
Denver - I told you, I am never going against Tebow again…Tom Brady
won’t have a clue what’s going on, Welker and Gronk drop key passes due to
divine intervention
Philly - I still don’t trust the Jets…
Chargers - Baltimore travelling West is no good for them
San Francisco - hoping the loss to Arizona woke them up, plus
Steelers w/o Harrison and possibly Big Ben
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
And We're all Tied Up
Cleveland Covers in a Barn Burner
14-3, and the last touchdown was a 60+ yard pass on a broken tackle. This game was awful to watch. The Browns actually were in a position to tie this game up late in the 4th quarter, had they not put a recently concussed Colt McCoy back into the game to throw a pick. How bout McCoy's Dad going public and complaining about the coaching staff putting his son back into the game? Good to know that parents do that kind of thing no matter how old their child is.
Who picked the Browns to cover? This guy. And the kid. This week would prove to be the week that the kid reached down into his diaper and pulled several picks straight out of his ass.
Jets crush KC
This seemed pretty simple to me. Who would pick the horrible Chiefs to cover against a Jets team, at home, that still has a chance to make the playoffs? . . . . Brent, that's who. Come on man. Even the kid was smart enough to pick the Jets.
Eagles beat up Miami
Vick comes back and people are betting against him? Never bet against an ex-con when his back is against the wall. Did you know the Eagles still have a back door chance of winning the NFC east? That would be awesome.
So I had the Eagles in 2 different teasers this weekend. I took the to cover in a 4 team teaser, which I won, and I took the over at 38 in a 3 team teaser. In the first half of this game there were 31 points scored, so I think I'm golden on my over bet. Then the 2nd half comes around. Anybody know how many points were scored in the second half of this game? 5. A field goal and a safety. Miami had the ball on the Eagles 30 with 4 minutes left, down by 16, and on 4th and 10 (as I'm nearly begging Tony Sparano to kick a field goal. Come on you're getting fired anyway) instead of kicking a field goal to cover the over, they throw an incomplete pass to lose the game. Brutal. Don't they know that people have money riding on these games? Selfish.
The kid picked the Dolphins. Silly kid, don't you know Eagles eat fish? What kind of logic is he using?
Back Door Dan O
I told you the Ravens would get up by a bunch, then relax and let the Colts come back and cover the spread. Who didn't know that Dan Orlovsky would lead the Colts down the field, down by 21, and throw a TD pass with no time left on the clock? . . . . Brent, that's who. The only poor bastard to take the Ravens. Turned out to be kind of a bad luck week for our Northern California buddy, but we will get that later.
TJ Yates?
So let me get this straight. TJ Yates, who wasn't good enough to be above Matt Leinhert on the depth chart, leads the Texans down the field on a last second drive, against a good Bengals defense, to not only win the game, but get the Texans to the playoffs for the first time. Two things here:
1. How pissed are you if you are Matt Schaub? You help build up this Houston team for years, get the team their first 8 wins, then TJ Yates comes along, wins 2 games and now he is the media hero. I smell a Tanya Harding type incident coming on.
2. It's time for Matt Leinhert to crawl into a hole and die. He gets the chance to start in Arizona over an aging Kurt Warner, then proceeds to play horribly and watch Warner take the Cardinals to the Super Bowl. Then he gets to start for a playoff bound Texans team, and gets hurt in his first game. This guy used up all his good karma at USC.
I took the Bengals, but so did the kid. No ground lost here.
New Orleans covers vs Tennessee
Washington covers vs. New England
The kid and I went the same way on both these picks, and lost both. The only thing important here is that Belichick let me down. It's my fault, my special order hoodie hasn't arrived yet. I will wear it this week.
Atlanta beats Carolina
Of all the morning games, the kid and I had 2 different picks (this game being one of them), and I won them both. BOOM! Suck on that buddy! How's it feel? In your face! That's what you get for taking the "Meows".
Sorry, had to get that out. After the morning games I am up 2 games, I'm on the trail. That's comeback trail, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.
Tebow wins, but can't cover
Everybody took Tebow here, so no rankings changed. The Bears are up 10 with 4 minutes to play, and lose the game. I would love to say I was shocked, but really you almost expect it now. This is like some mystical ride only seen in kids movies. My only advice to everyone out there is to drink the cool aid and get on board. I'm not even mad that he didn't find a way to make that overtime field goal worth 4 points so he could have won the game and covered the spread. Although it is entirely within the realm of possibilities.
Brent's spirit gets crushed by the Cardinals
For those who don't know, Brent is a die hard, season ticket holding, 49er fan. I can actually picture him, in my head, yelling at the TV from his reclining seat on his leather sectional. Probably a large glass of rum and coke next to him. Staring in disbelief as his beloved 49ers lose to John Skelton. Pretty much everyone picked the 49ers to cover here. I say pretty much everyone, because this is the other game that the kid pulled right out of his freshly powdered ass.
I'm only up by 1 game now, this can't happen again.
Green Bay covers
My only question is this: I know the 2 year old has no idea who he is picking, that is the whole point of this. But how does even he know to pick the Packers over the Raiders? This should have been a point winner for me. Kid picks the Raiders cause their logo has a pirate and the Green Bay logo is the most boring logo in all of sports, and I go up another game. But instead his tiny stupid little hand falls on the Packers, and I make up no ground.
San Diego crushes Buffalo
Somebody should tell the Bills that they suck. Remember when they beat the Patriots? Where the hell did that team go? Same QB right? Same receivers right? Maybe living in Buffalo in the winter sucks so much, that you can't work up the energy to do anything but stay warm.
The good: Rivers and Gates hooked up twice for TDs, helping me to another win in my TD only fantasy league. The bad: kid picked the Chargers to cover.
NY Giants get me back to even
This is how it should work. The kid picks the Cowboys cause their logo is a star and the star is a generally recognizable shape by people with an undeveloped pre-frontal cortex. The Cowboys lose another game they should win. Thank you Dallas kicker. That guy has to be the most hated player in their locker room. Ah kickers. And I go up to games on the kid. Which pulls us to even for the year.
I'm on the trail baby! Who's coming with me? I've got kool-aid
Before we get to the standings it should be known that Hambone, of team Haselhuhn, picked both the Browns to cover and the Cardinals to cover, but father Haselhuhn decided to go another way. Bad call Dad. If you're kid was old enough to understand that you cost him 2 games by undermining his authority, I would tell him.
This week
Me 8-5
Kid 6-7
Huhns 6-7
Brent 5-8
On the year
Me 34-35 49%
Kid 34-35 49%
Brent 18-23 44%
Huhns 15-12 55%
14-3, and the last touchdown was a 60+ yard pass on a broken tackle. This game was awful to watch. The Browns actually were in a position to tie this game up late in the 4th quarter, had they not put a recently concussed Colt McCoy back into the game to throw a pick. How bout McCoy's Dad going public and complaining about the coaching staff putting his son back into the game? Good to know that parents do that kind of thing no matter how old their child is.
Who picked the Browns to cover? This guy. And the kid. This week would prove to be the week that the kid reached down into his diaper and pulled several picks straight out of his ass.
Jets crush KC
This seemed pretty simple to me. Who would pick the horrible Chiefs to cover against a Jets team, at home, that still has a chance to make the playoffs? . . . . Brent, that's who. Come on man. Even the kid was smart enough to pick the Jets.
Eagles beat up Miami
Vick comes back and people are betting against him? Never bet against an ex-con when his back is against the wall. Did you know the Eagles still have a back door chance of winning the NFC east? That would be awesome.
So I had the Eagles in 2 different teasers this weekend. I took the to cover in a 4 team teaser, which I won, and I took the over at 38 in a 3 team teaser. In the first half of this game there were 31 points scored, so I think I'm golden on my over bet. Then the 2nd half comes around. Anybody know how many points were scored in the second half of this game? 5. A field goal and a safety. Miami had the ball on the Eagles 30 with 4 minutes left, down by 16, and on 4th and 10 (as I'm nearly begging Tony Sparano to kick a field goal. Come on you're getting fired anyway) instead of kicking a field goal to cover the over, they throw an incomplete pass to lose the game. Brutal. Don't they know that people have money riding on these games? Selfish.
The kid picked the Dolphins. Silly kid, don't you know Eagles eat fish? What kind of logic is he using?
Back Door Dan O
I told you the Ravens would get up by a bunch, then relax and let the Colts come back and cover the spread. Who didn't know that Dan Orlovsky would lead the Colts down the field, down by 21, and throw a TD pass with no time left on the clock? . . . . Brent, that's who. The only poor bastard to take the Ravens. Turned out to be kind of a bad luck week for our Northern California buddy, but we will get that later.
TJ Yates?
So let me get this straight. TJ Yates, who wasn't good enough to be above Matt Leinhert on the depth chart, leads the Texans down the field on a last second drive, against a good Bengals defense, to not only win the game, but get the Texans to the playoffs for the first time. Two things here:
1. How pissed are you if you are Matt Schaub? You help build up this Houston team for years, get the team their first 8 wins, then TJ Yates comes along, wins 2 games and now he is the media hero. I smell a Tanya Harding type incident coming on.
2. It's time for Matt Leinhert to crawl into a hole and die. He gets the chance to start in Arizona over an aging Kurt Warner, then proceeds to play horribly and watch Warner take the Cardinals to the Super Bowl. Then he gets to start for a playoff bound Texans team, and gets hurt in his first game. This guy used up all his good karma at USC.
I took the Bengals, but so did the kid. No ground lost here.
New Orleans covers vs Tennessee
Washington covers vs. New England
The kid and I went the same way on both these picks, and lost both. The only thing important here is that Belichick let me down. It's my fault, my special order hoodie hasn't arrived yet. I will wear it this week.
Atlanta beats Carolina
Of all the morning games, the kid and I had 2 different picks (this game being one of them), and I won them both. BOOM! Suck on that buddy! How's it feel? In your face! That's what you get for taking the "Meows".
Sorry, had to get that out. After the morning games I am up 2 games, I'm on the trail. That's comeback trail, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.
Tebow wins, but can't cover
Everybody took Tebow here, so no rankings changed. The Bears are up 10 with 4 minutes to play, and lose the game. I would love to say I was shocked, but really you almost expect it now. This is like some mystical ride only seen in kids movies. My only advice to everyone out there is to drink the cool aid and get on board. I'm not even mad that he didn't find a way to make that overtime field goal worth 4 points so he could have won the game and covered the spread. Although it is entirely within the realm of possibilities.
Brent's spirit gets crushed by the Cardinals
For those who don't know, Brent is a die hard, season ticket holding, 49er fan. I can actually picture him, in my head, yelling at the TV from his reclining seat on his leather sectional. Probably a large glass of rum and coke next to him. Staring in disbelief as his beloved 49ers lose to John Skelton. Pretty much everyone picked the 49ers to cover here. I say pretty much everyone, because this is the other game that the kid pulled right out of his freshly powdered ass.
I'm only up by 1 game now, this can't happen again.
Green Bay covers
My only question is this: I know the 2 year old has no idea who he is picking, that is the whole point of this. But how does even he know to pick the Packers over the Raiders? This should have been a point winner for me. Kid picks the Raiders cause their logo has a pirate and the Green Bay logo is the most boring logo in all of sports, and I go up another game. But instead his tiny stupid little hand falls on the Packers, and I make up no ground.
San Diego crushes Buffalo
Somebody should tell the Bills that they suck. Remember when they beat the Patriots? Where the hell did that team go? Same QB right? Same receivers right? Maybe living in Buffalo in the winter sucks so much, that you can't work up the energy to do anything but stay warm.
The good: Rivers and Gates hooked up twice for TDs, helping me to another win in my TD only fantasy league. The bad: kid picked the Chargers to cover.
NY Giants get me back to even
This is how it should work. The kid picks the Cowboys cause their logo is a star and the star is a generally recognizable shape by people with an undeveloped pre-frontal cortex. The Cowboys lose another game they should win. Thank you Dallas kicker. That guy has to be the most hated player in their locker room. Ah kickers. And I go up to games on the kid. Which pulls us to even for the year.
I'm on the trail baby! Who's coming with me? I've got kool-aid
Before we get to the standings it should be known that Hambone, of team Haselhuhn, picked both the Browns to cover and the Cardinals to cover, but father Haselhuhn decided to go another way. Bad call Dad. If you're kid was old enough to understand that you cost him 2 games by undermining his authority, I would tell him.
This week
Me 8-5
Kid 6-7
Huhns 6-7
Brent 5-8
On the year
Me 34-35 49%
Kid 34-35 49%
Brent 18-23 44%
Huhns 15-12 55%
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Team Huhn Week 14 Picks
Team Huhn is a few days behind. Between Play-doh and Moral
Development we’ve been busy – and in different towns. Finals are over, grades
are almost submitted and it’s time for the Dolphin-Dragons chaos to ensue. The
kid did a great job two weeks ago but this morning was distracted by some Asian
animation domination. I’m afraid his picks are becoming bias as he learns the
team names but we’ll give it a shot to show we’re no fluke.
Congrats to Staton and props to the Mrs. She’s perfect and
I’m sure she’ll be reading defenses before long.
Cleveland +14 at Pittsburgh
I know, I know it’s too late and we’ll take this one on the
chin this week. Hambone picked the “brown helmets” and despite the spread, I’d
have still taken the Steelers to dismantle the lowly Browns. We’re starting the
week 0-1 but will put it past us and forget like McCoy did in the second half.
Jets -9 vs. Kansas City
Hambone recognizes the logo so he’s a little biased but I
think he’s probably right. Sanchez and the treadmill co-captain will cover the
9 as sure as any of those coaches would destroy a treadmill before breaking a
sweat.
Philadelphia +3 at Miami
Miami may be on a roll lately and the Eagles are supposed to
be healthier… so, well, the kid likes the Eagles I don’t have a reason to
disagree.
Indianapolis +16.5 at Baltimore
“Who are the Colts? Those are the horseshoes.” Indy is
horrible. Baltimore is bored and probably doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. The
first string will treat this as a preseason game and be out after the second
series.
Houston +3 at Cincinnati
I’m going against both principles on this one. Hambone likes
the “B’s” and the ginger is making a case for ROY but I like Elway’s backup.
Especially now that he’s coaching a QB who is a “should have never been”. Something to that, I’m going with the Texans.
New Orleans -3.5 at Tennessee
Hambone and I both like the Saints, I mean Swords. Yea, I
know… I guess it looks like a sword.
Buffalo +7 at San Diego
Hambone likes the Bills and despite their lack of efficacy
lately a trip to SoCal can turn things around. Of course I’m guessing that
being anywhere is better than being in Buffalo in December.
Denver -3.5 vs Chicago
Hambone likes the Broncos. Knows the logo is the Broncos
because of Tebow. Went against the false idol last week - won’t this week. If
the Chargers couldn’t get an omniscient bolt from the heavens, neither will the
Bears, even though Staton quoted scripture.
New England +9 at Washington
Hambone is finally on board with Brady and the ‘checks’.
Either that or the Skin’s logo needs updated.
Dallas -3.5 vs NY Giants
In a shocker, Hambone picks the Cowboys over the Giants. He
really believes he plays for the giants. He’s number 12, by the way, and has
the jersey to prove it. Must be a sign.
Green Bay -11 vs Oakland
Hambone chose the pirate looking team again. Uh no, not in
Lambeau with a team that actually wants to go undefeated.
Carolina +3 vs Atlanta
Look, Atlanta is better but picking favorites is boring and
Hambone likes the Cats.
San Francisco -3.5 at Arizona
Hambone likes the Redbirds but doesn’t realize he is
enthusiasm reincarnated. The fighting Harbaughs cover just to be more excited
about it.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Brent's Week 14 Picks
Steelers
Chiefs (not sure why, I just don’t trust the Jets)
Dolphins
Ravens
Bungals
Saints
Chargers
Broncos (never going against Tebow again! I may put money on them
to win the Super Bowl)
Pats
Giants
Packers
Falcons
49ers
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
To New Beginnings
In everything that happens, there comes a time where you need to start anew. The Cougs decided it was time to end the era of Paul Wulff, and got a new head Coach in Mike Leach. It was time. Not only was Pual Wulff a moron, but he looked like a moron. He wore sweatpants with polo shirts, always had a big dumb animal look on his face, and didn't even have a good head coach strut. If you are going to be an idiot, at least fool people by looking like you know what you are doing. Now begineth the Leach era. First off know this, nobody in Pullman cares if Mike Leach locks a different player each day in a dark room. In fact when I went there, they called this hangover management. Mike Leach is the best thing to happen in Pullman since the dry campus initiative was lifted.The biggest new beginning is that I am now a father to a little baby girl named Karlee Michelle. Now if some of you out there are worried by the fact that I am now responsible for a small child, don't worry. I'm just as shocked as you are.
Quick time out here. I completely understand that child birth is a miracle of life and that people want to have children and raise a family. But this was the most horrific thing I have ever been through in my entire life, and I really didn't even do anything. If you have been through this before, you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't I will spare you the details. But my wife went through the entire thing drug free (big Props to her), and the whole time I'm sitting here "coaching", wondering why the hell people do this to themselves. Horrific. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. Imagine somebody comes up to you and says "I have this free puppy for you, but in order to get it I am going to beat you with this aluminum baseball bat for 10 hours."
Back to football. Over the Thanksgiving weekend. Brent, the kid, and I all went 7 for 14, while the Huhns went an astounding 9 for 14. If it were possible for Mrs. Huhn to unclench the death grip, I would say pack that kid up and take him to Vegas. Nothing against Mrs. Huhn, if my husband bounced every week and left me with a 3 year old and a newborn I'd have his man marbles in a vise myself. That being said, I probably won't be allowed at their house for a couple of months.
Here are the years totals so far:
Kid (The Menace) 28-28
Me 26-30
Brent 13-15
Huhns 9-5
A couple of things to point out here: The Menace and I continue to dance and team Haselhuhn comes out of nowhere and uses their over-sized heads to pull out a win in their first week. Since the games were 2 weeks ago I won't go into a break down. Really I don't want to talk about it because it hurts my pride. We have 4 weeks left in the regular season and 4 weeks of playoffs left to go. So I'm starting over. Rededicating myself to my picks each week. Setting my sights on a miniature calvin and hobbes look alike.
On to week 14
Cleveland +14 at Pittsburgh
This is a lot of points for an NFL game. You are a pro football player, meaning you are in the top 1% of what you do. And you are going into a game being told you will lose by 2 touchdowns. How does that feel? That would be like me as a teacher showing up for school and the principal telling me that somebody else is going to teach my honors classes because I suck too much to teach them.
Cleveland has only broke 13 points once in their last 7 games and are averaging only 11.5 points per game over that span. So say they score 12, that means the Steelers need 27 to cover the spread. The Browns have given up 27 or more twice all year, and the Steelers have only broken 27 three times all year.
Hey, I'm starting over right? You have to put yourself out on a ledge in you want to be a winner.
NY Jets -9 vs. Kansas City
Kansas City Head Coach to his starting QB Tyler Palko last week during the Chicago game:
"Palko, you are horrible. We can't get anything going on offense. Where did you learn to play football? Do you even know what plays I am calling? Why did we even draft you?"
"Orton! Get in there, Palko is done."
First play, Orton dislocates his finger on a flea flicker.
"Palko! All that stuff I said two minutes ago . . . forget it. You're our guy. We never wanted Orton in the game anyway. Get in there and lead us to victory."
How bout the most awkward 5 minutes in a football game ever. What do you say to a guy 1 play after you bench him, now that you have to put him back in the game? What kind of confidence level does that guy have going back in? How the hell did the Chiefs end up winning this game?
If the Fighting Ryans have any chance of making the playoffs, then they have to go on a winning streak at the end of the season. Jets are at home and the Chiefs are really bad. Besides, tell me when you hear and see Tyler Palko that you aren't thinking Footsteps Falco from "The Replacements".Philly +3 at Miami
Why won't Philly win this game? They are clearly more talented. Miami is probably the better team, but not on paper. Vick is back, Maclin is back, and DeSean Jackson has "met effort and preparation expectations of the coaching staff". Plus, Andy Reid might be coaching for his job these next 4 games.
By the way, Andy Reid is the Captain of my all Treadmill team. Along with Charlie Weis, the Ryan Brothers, Romeo Crennel, and Mark Mangino. How bout that lineup coming at you in a Buffet?
If I hung out with people like this I would look like a Greek God.
Indianapolis +16.5 at Baltimore
I have two thoughts on this game. Teams going ATS (Against the Spread) tends to even out towards the 50% mark over the course of a season, regardless of their record. Indy is 3-9 ATS so far this year, so the law of averages says they are due to cover. Secondly, it was brought up by Bill Simmons that it is very hard to get pumped up to play a horrible team. Teams will generally come out and put some points on the board, do enough to win, and then lose interest and allow the bad team to creep back into it. Look at the Patriots game against the Colts last week. New England came out hot, put up a bunch of points, then let the Colts come back in the end to cover the spread.
Cincinnati -3 vs. Houston
Cincinnati has 5 losses, but 4 of them are to Baltimore, Pittsburgh, or San Francisco. I actually think the Bengals might push for a Wild Card spot, but they have to get past Houston first. Another thing we missed while I was gone was the Matt Leinhart cameo. This guy goes from national star, heisman winner, national champion to nobody. I think Kurt Warner was feeding him bad info in Arizona all those years. Anything he could tell him to keep from progressing so Kurt could keep playing. You don't make it up from the Super Market league without learning a couple of tricks along the way. TJ Yates isn't as bad as Footsteps Palko in KC, but he isn't worth changing the channel for either. The Bengals will focus on stopping the run and make Yates beat them.
Tennessee +3.5 vs. New Orleans
This is a classic "We don't like to play outside, cause it's too cold" game for New Orleans. Much like the playoff game last year in Seattle. How embarrassing was that? The Saints are tough in the Dome, soft outside. Did you know the Titans have never lost to the Saints? And the Titans have a legitimate shot of winning the AFC south now that Houston has no QB. Plus I'm always a sucker for a home underdog.
Atlanta +3 at Carolina
So you're telling me that Carolina not only has to win, but has to win by more than 3 for them to cover? No thanks. Are we forgetting that they are 4-8? They have beat Tampa (4-8), Indianapolis (0-12), Washington (4-8) and Jacksonville (3-9).
New England -9 at Washington
Really? Is there any question where I'm going here? My undying loyalty to the coldest man in the NFL will never waiver again. In fact, I'm going out today to find a dark grey hooded sweatshirt. I will cut off the sleeves at an awkward length. I will iron on the letters "BB" so everyone knows it's mine. I will wear it every Sunday for the rest of my life.
Denver -3.5 vs. Chicago
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
2 Kings 2:23-24
Lets look at the last couple of weeks for the Broncos here: Tebow took over in the Lions game, lost by 35, and every sports writer, announcer, and analyst ripped him apart. Since then he has won 5 straight games, swept their own conference, and last week Tebow beat the Vikings with his arm. Still not a believer? Last week the Bears lost Matt Forte for the season, after they just lost Cutler for the Season. Bears? It's a little too weird isn't it? I believe in a lot of things: God, the baseball Gods, Karma, that high school football teams should play on their own f'ing field, that despite how ego-maniacal and dominant the eastern Washington Big 9 thinks they are they will never match up to Kingco, and that if I don't believe in Tebow bears will come out of the forrest and maul me.
San Francisco -3.5 at Arizona
Why is this line only 3.5 points? Did San Francisco all of a sudden get worse? The Cardinals under coach Wisenhunt are 2-7 against the 49ers and has only covered the spread once. I see a big let down for the Cardinals after their stunning win over the Cowboys last week.
By the way, another example of a head coach have a mental seizure in the final minutes of a game. How are they not better at this? Don't they go through these scenarios in their head before every game? Maybe head coaches are just really good at looking like they can make decisions, but suck at actually doing it. That would explain a lot about some of the guys I have worked for.
Green Bay -11 vs. Oakland
I took Oakland last week in my 3 team Teaser at Miami, and they lost by 20. I started Michael Bush in my TD only league, and he scored no TDs. However, Darius Heyward Bey scored a TD, but I dropped him a couple of weeks ago. The Raiders are dead to me. I hope Green Bay beats them by 50.
San Diego -7 vs. Buffalo
No more wagons for this guy. How bout a nice little 5 game losing streak for the Bills, ouch. The Chargers are going to turn it on late like they always do and challenge the Denver Tebows for the league title. Besides I need some good Karma for Rivers and Gates in my TD only fantasy league. Especially since I didn't make the playoffs in my teacher league, which is horribly setup by the way.
Vick went down one week, so I picked up Matt Moore, who throws for 194 yards and 3 TDs. Pretty good day right? But because he didn't throw for over 200 yards, he didn't get the 10 point bonus. The guy I was playing had a QB that threw for 280 yards, 1 TD, and 2 picks. He ended up with the same amount of points as Matt Moore did. How stupid is that? Lost out to my department head, Shrek, Donkey, and one arrogant Husky fan. I hate Husky fans.
NY Giants +3.5 at Dallas
Coin flip. Either one of these teams could come out and dominate or they could lose by 30. Inconsistency is the mark of a good team right? I'm only picking the Giants because if they win both teams would be 7-6, creating a bigger mess than it already is. Picking Eli makes me want to give away one of testicles. How can a guy be so successful his whole life and have such bad body language. His older brothers seriously damaged him mentally. The problem with Eli is every time I need him, he bends me over. Every time I don't count on him, he ends up coming through and screwing me again. No chance I don't get Back Door Cam'd on this one.
Good luck to all of you on your week 14 picks. The Menace usually makes his picks on Saturday. But his Dad is in the middle of Basketball season, so he may be using his 2 year old to input stats on opposing teams big men. I will get them posted as soon as I have them.
Why is this line only 3.5 points? Did San Francisco all of a sudden get worse? The Cardinals under coach Wisenhunt are 2-7 against the 49ers and has only covered the spread once. I see a big let down for the Cardinals after their stunning win over the Cowboys last week.
By the way, another example of a head coach have a mental seizure in the final minutes of a game. How are they not better at this? Don't they go through these scenarios in their head before every game? Maybe head coaches are just really good at looking like they can make decisions, but suck at actually doing it. That would explain a lot about some of the guys I have worked for.
Green Bay -11 vs. Oakland
I took Oakland last week in my 3 team Teaser at Miami, and they lost by 20. I started Michael Bush in my TD only league, and he scored no TDs. However, Darius Heyward Bey scored a TD, but I dropped him a couple of weeks ago. The Raiders are dead to me. I hope Green Bay beats them by 50.
San Diego -7 vs. Buffalo
No more wagons for this guy. How bout a nice little 5 game losing streak for the Bills, ouch. The Chargers are going to turn it on late like they always do and challenge the Denver Tebows for the league title. Besides I need some good Karma for Rivers and Gates in my TD only fantasy league. Especially since I didn't make the playoffs in my teacher league, which is horribly setup by the way.
Vick went down one week, so I picked up Matt Moore, who throws for 194 yards and 3 TDs. Pretty good day right? But because he didn't throw for over 200 yards, he didn't get the 10 point bonus. The guy I was playing had a QB that threw for 280 yards, 1 TD, and 2 picks. He ended up with the same amount of points as Matt Moore did. How stupid is that? Lost out to my department head, Shrek, Donkey, and one arrogant Husky fan. I hate Husky fans.NY Giants +3.5 at Dallas
Coin flip. Either one of these teams could come out and dominate or they could lose by 30. Inconsistency is the mark of a good team right? I'm only picking the Giants because if they win both teams would be 7-6, creating a bigger mess than it already is. Picking Eli makes me want to give away one of testicles. How can a guy be so successful his whole life and have such bad body language. His older brothers seriously damaged him mentally. The problem with Eli is every time I need him, he bends me over. Every time I don't count on him, he ends up coming through and screwing me again. No chance I don't get Back Door Cam'd on this one.
Good luck to all of you on your week 14 picks. The Menace usually makes his picks on Saturday. But his Dad is in the middle of Basketball season, so he may be using his 2 year old to input stats on opposing teams big men. I will get them posted as soon as I have them.
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