Episode IV?
Nobody? . . . . . . . . . Anyway
The Haselhuhn's have opted to test their skills against "The Menace". Until I start beating him, this will be his new nickname. The Haselhuhn's are a 2 man team made up a Seth (Dad) a grizzly of a man who is currently getting his P.H.d. in sports pedagogy. He drives all the way to Moscow, ID early Monday morning, sleeps on an air mattress and eats whatever microwavable food he can find, then drives back home every Friday.
Sorry ladies, he's taken.
The other half of team Haselhuhn is his 3 year old son named Beckett. Beckett is really a 12 year old crammed into a 3 year olds body and will be referred to as Hambone in their picks. Now just because his Mom decided to call him Hambone, don't think he is chubby. He is build like a brick #$%&house. I have no idea why his mom wanted to give him the international nickname for fat kids, but then again I have no idea why women do most of the things they do.
Team Haselhuhn has decided to write their own intro and describe their own picks, so don't blame me if you don't like it. A word of caution: the writer tends to use large words to over exert his accumulated education. But before you feel inferior or undereducated, I assure you he is just a glorified P.E. major.
With no further ado, here they are:
I don’t claim to be an expert in sports betting, fantasy, or
even football. I don’t know how many yards per game anyone has and can’t name
all of the head coaches. I do like Harbaugh, but only because he attacks days with enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Staton
invited our picks so I wrote down all the games, found a picture with all the
team logos on it and cheated. If a two year old is that much better that
someone researching the stuff, then a little intuition and the logic of three
year old that thinks Becky “Icebox” O’Shea is the greatest football player of
all time can’t be all that wrong, can it? Besides, Mark Grace always said, “if
you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t trying hard enough.”
Green Bay -6.5
@ Detroit
Hambone likes “the G’s” and I can’t argue. A touchdown can
be a lot to cover but the Lions bubble seems to have burst, it’s the first game
of Thanksgiving and Rogers and the boys will want to get to dinner early.
Dallas -7
vs. Miami
Miami seems bad and Reggie looks bad in white and baby blue
despite the gun show on the pizza commercial or whatever he’s selling. Hambone
likes the Cowboys but only because Kevin O’Shea coaches them, not because Romo
is really good, except when it counts. Still, it’s nice to win one, but they
have a larger mission of getting Luck on their side. Dallas wins by 9.
Baltimore -3 vs. San
Francisco
Harbaugh has more enthuaisam than Ray-Ray can muster and
last I saw he was on the sidelines cheering. Harbaugh and his QB magic will
cover 3 despite Hambone’s preference for animal logos.
St. Louis -3 vs. Arizona
Really? Does it matter? If this game is televised, reruns of
Seinfeld should call and complain about lack of air time. Hambone likes the
“birds”, good enough for me.
Jets -8 vs. Buffalo
The Franchize is always good after a bad outing or two.
Buffalo has to rebound eventually so its USC vs. Harvard. Starting for only one
year at USC is basically NFL experience in the Carroll days except the
paychecks were tax free. Hambone likes the J-E-T-S but 8 is a ton of points.
I’ll take Buffalo to cover.
Cincinnati -7.5
vs. Cleveland
Hambone likes the “helmets” over the “B’s”, a stunner, “B”
usually is a favorite, despite the apparent omen, not even the former NCAA win
leader can get over a read headed spark plug. Never doubt a ginger. I’m taking
Cincinnati and the points.
Houston -3
@ Jacksonville
Jacksonville has a team? Still? Why? I’m with Hambone on
this one. Elway’s backup is making good with the Texans. I’ll take them to
interrupt their beach time long enough to score at least 4 more than the Jag’s.
Carolina -3.5
@ Indianapolis
They should rename the city after Manning. Criticism over
not winning enough Super Bowls is out, they can’t even win a game without the
best quarterback spokesman since Namath. Hambone likes the “horseshoes” but I
just can’t bear to follow it. If Staton can play a whole NFL game and only
throw three, Cam can throw 8 picks and still win by two scores.
Tennessee -3 vs. Tampa
Bay
Hasselback is showing that he still has something but Hambone
likes Pirates, mostly Jake and Captain Hook and I think he’s probably right. I
know nothing about this game except that I like Pirates too. Bucs will at least
cover.
Atlanta -9 vs. Minnesota
Nine seems like a lot. Vikings look a lot like Pirates. Let
it ride. I’ll take Minnesota to keep it within 9 points.
Oakland -5
vs. Chicago
Another Pirate. Taking the first one was easy, this one
seems like the hardest. I guess Cutler is out and Orton may be on the way. God
must hate Orton, that can’t be good – I’ll take the Raiders and the five.
Seattle -4
vs. Washington
Shannahan was the man last time I really watched the NFL on
a regular basis and Carroll has been coaching professional football for a
decade. The 12th man combined with the ‘Skin’s not caring means I’m
taking the “Mohawks” with Hambone.
New England -3
@ Philadelphia
It doesn’t matter who is playing QB for the “bird one”.
Hambone doesn’t know about Tom Brady, you know, the guy that made Belicheck a
“genius.” I’m going against Hambone and taking Tom.
San Diego -6.5
vs. Denver
I like me some Tebow. Anyone who has a post game presser on
a plague before he graduated must be on to something. All this praise is
getting The Chosen One close to being a false idol and they’re playing the
Bolts. Hambone and I agree, Tebow makes it interesting but Rivers and Co.
strike the streak.
Pittsburg -10.5 @ Kansas
City
Hambone likes the “Red Letters” and seems like a ton, not as
bad as Charile Weiss looks in pants but still, three scores is too much to go
against logic like “Red letters” during Little Einstein’s. Chief’s cover.
New Orleans -7 vs. NY
Giants
Did I mention Becky “Icebox” O’Shea? Hambone thinks he plays
for the Giants, how can I go against that? Giants cover 7 at least.
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